REFLECTION

Three of my dearest blogpals Denise , Dot and Libby have given me this award. I'm putting it on this blog because this is the one on which I have shared so much of my precious time with Mick and in part I feel this award belongs to him as much as to me.



These are the stipulations for granting the award:
It is called The Blogger Reflection Award.
Why?

The reason for the title is because this award should make you reflect upon bloggers who have been an encouragement, a source of love, impacted you in some way, and have been a Godly example to you. Bloggers who when you reflect on them you get a sense of pride and joy... of knowing them and being blessed by them.This award is for the best-of-the-best so consider who you pick, carefully.This award should not be given to just anyone.

For two reasons I'm not tagging anyone to pass this award on to.

1. I have specifically stated that I'm not doing any tagging for a while; it would be wrong of me to tag on this one when I have turned down tagging to other Bloggers.

2. There is no way I could make a choice and decide who to give this award to. Each of my blogpals for so many different reasons fit the criteria above; each has played their own part in making an impact on my life.........some with their words of encouragement, some with their sharing of their own lives, some with their help and wisdom............some just by being there and listening.....................

If when you read this a name of one of your own blogpals sprang to your mind please feel free to pass the award to them.

“I love the man that can smile in trouble,

that can gather strength from distress,

and grow brave by reflection”
~Thomas Paine~

Where did Ruth go? Do you remember her back pre 6th April; she was the one who took everything in her stride; always the strong one; never faltering or shedding a tear; she always managed to cope no matter how tough the situation; the one you could turn to solve a problem. Where did she go?

I hated going to the appointment today. I hated seeing in black and white the expenses outweigh the income. I hated being out of control. I hated the fact that I blubbed in front of a stranger. I hated having to accept defeat. I hated having no choice.

The CAB lady was brilliant. So kind and understanding but when push comes to shove even she can't work miracles. I've got to accept that there is no way I can pay some of my creditors off. The good news...I haven't got to tell them...the CAB will see to that. I won't go into the "this, that and the other"........but I was in there for two hours.

There's a few things I have to look into like changing Internet Providers and having a water meter installed; then it's a case of seeing what happens and trying to pull my life back together.

Força

GETTING THINGS INTO PERSPECTIVE

After my moans of last night and before my computer went into switch off mode I managed to vist a few blogs. One of them spoke about a friend who had lost their 18 year old daughter....certainly made me look at my problems in a different light!

Another was Shaz's .....and my tears soon changed to laughter as I watched the video on her latest post; sadly it's now been removed from YouTube so I'm fortunate to have had that moment of laughter.

I think Serendipity was trying to give me a wake up call........................

“If there are no miracles then we need to find another word for the existence of life – the existence of you and me – on earth. Call it a gift from spirit (God or god in whatever form works for you), serendipity, happenstance or plain good fortune. I invite you to look at your life as if it were a miracle. To treat your life in any other way seems to me to be a terrible waste of your unique presence on this planet.”

~Robert White~

JUST GETTING THINGS OUT OF MY SYSTEM

I've my next appointment with the Citizens Advice Bureau on Tuesday. Now that I know for sure what my income is I've got to take them my Expenditure Form.... I've hopefully decreased my gas and electricity costs as much as I can though it takes as much electricity to light a room for 1 person as it does for 2 and the winters will seem so much colder without someone to snuggle up to. My Orange mobile contract is finished next month so that will help but I'm really hoping they don't tell me I'll have to get rid of my landline as well. My blogging is my social life and all the time my PC keeps limping along I want to limp along too...LOL

I'm trying to not let it get me down though....I'm trying to think of it as a challenge and remembering *Mr Micawbers advice.................well at least some of the time I feel like that but I do have my moments...too many of them...but the "in between" times...when I switch off the "sad" side of my brain and manage not to THINK......those are the times I'm OK. Had a horrible moment in town last week when someone I knew in passing didn't know about Mick......then of course they wanted the details......I just couldn't talk about it, made my apologies and walked away. Had a good sob in the public loos; not the most pleasant of places....and just came home.

I don't think about the ill Mick; I just remember the good times; I guess in a way that makes it worse as the good times were just SO GOOD!

Each post I do on this blog I think will be the last......it's my rant, moan and cry blog now...and I keep thinking "Right that's the last post...no more feeling sorry for myself"...but deep down I know I'll keep coming back here for a while. I keep telling myself..."BUCK UP....there's MILLIONS of people in this world who have terrible lives; including some of my blog pals"............but sometimes my heart just won't listen!!!!.........and yes I do get those "Is it all worth it?" moments......but then I think about how angry Mick would be with me thinking like that. It's just so difficult at the moment as I never know from minute to minute which way my emotions are going to turn.

Well if you've got this far through my moaning..... thanks for listening.......I feel much better now

*Mr. Micawber (Charles Dickens' David Copperfield):
Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure nineteen nineteen six, result happiness. Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure twenty pounds ought and six, result misery.

THIRD TIME LUCKY

Gledwood has kindly nominated this blog for another Thinking Blogger Award..that makes 3 here now so I'm really chuffed........thanks Gleds.

I'm having problems staying on line for too long so this and the tag on my Bee's Eye View blog will have to be my last tag/memes for a while. I'm having to limit my pc time to half hour stints or my PC switches itself off which is making it hard for me to visit you all AND write my posts as well.

Now I have to do some presenting.....hopefully I'll be able to get round to all your comment boxes and let you know you've been nominated before I'm offline again!!!!! I hope the following will accept the award and pass it on to 5 more blogs.

CALAMITY JANE

SUZI-K

ANNIE...LITTLE ROCK

PETUNIA'S GARDENER

B.T.BEAR

A GIFT FROM THE HEART

The heart is the body's pump; some people have a lot of heart and thanks to someone in Blogland with an extra big heart I now have a pond pump up and running far sooner than I thought I'd be able to. You see I received a "begging letter"...... begging me to allow this person to make a gift of the pump in honour of Mick and his memory. As much as I want to manage for myself this was a gesture I felt it would be wrong to turn down; I could tell the joy the giver would receive by my acceptance. To that special person I give my thanks. Our garden; Mick's and my Paradise on Earth now SOUNDS right again.

Another special someone gave me a hand with the installation; Manda came and helped; the cable is tucked away safely out of sight behind here........

and here..........So click the off switch of the music in the sidebar; click and play the video below and listen ....................

Mick and Ruth's garden is singing again...................... and so is my heart.

LITTLE THINGS HURT A LOT

So the pond pump's broken...................no big deal in the great scheme of things.................................there are catastrophic events happening all over the world.........................what does a silly little thing like a pond pump matter compared to all the sadness I've heard on the news!
So why have I spent over an hour bawling my eyes out?????????????
Because in the "old days"...we would have jumped in the car; up to the garden centre; bought a new one; spent half the day digging up the old cable and putting in the new one; probably definitely had a few Brandy and cokes while we did it; would have giggled and laughed like school kids even if we cocked something up....................and "Job Jobbed!"

now the thoughts are; how to get to the garden centre?; how to dig up the garden and lay a new cable on my own?; will the fish be OK until I can do it (it'll have to wait until next week)?......the water's like green pea soup...it's never been this bad before.....the fish are part of the Mick & Ruth Story......Mick dreamt we built a pond and the next day we did........so many evenings we spent watching the fish and putting the world to rights.............so many memories..................

now so many tears.............................

YOU WON'T SEE THIS OFTEN!

As you probably know by now I HATE having my photo taken; it probably stems back to my childhood...when I asked my mum why wasn't I pretty she said "You can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear".....so what you are about to see is very rare! This photo was taken by one of the teacher's when I went on the school trip......when Manda saw it she asked the teacher to scan it and give her a copy....she made one for me too...so for one post only!!!!!

ONCE UPON A WEEKEND

Once upon a time weekends were so much fun; really early mornings; tea in bed; a Telegraph crossword to do; sharing knowledge; Mick reading the clues; working out anagrams; such laughs; a hug and kiss (sometimes more!); showering together; projects to plan; the full English breakfast; compliments..best fried bread in town; a trip out; where shall we go; jump in the car; see where the road takes us; whatever we do, wherever we go will be fun; so much laughter; maybe stay in; gardening to do; a brandy and coke...just one or two; put the joint in the oven; a game of cards...loser washes up!; more fun; much music; much singing; always laughing; compliments...best roast potatoes in town; after dinner dozes; a cuppa; more laughter; evening sits in the garden; such a great day; perfect contentment; anything on tv?;hugs on the sofa; starting to yawn; time for bed; snuggles; more hugs and kisses; believing tomorrow will be such fun too.....................

those were the days.....................................