Where did Ruth go? Do you remember her back pre 6th April; she was the one who took everything in her stride; always the strong one; never faltering or shedding a tear; she always managed to cope no matter how tough the situation; the one you could turn to solve a problem. Where did she go?
I hated going to the appointment today. I hated seeing in black and white the expenses outweigh the income. I hated being out of control. I hated the fact that I blubbed in front of a stranger. I hated having to accept defeat. I hated having no choice.
The CAB lady was brilliant. So kind and understanding but when push comes to shove even she can't work miracles. I've got to accept that there is no way I can pay some of my creditors off. The good news...I haven't got to tell them...the CAB will see to that. I won't go into the "this, that and the other"........but I was in there for two hours.
There's a few things I have to look into like changing Internet Providers and having a water meter installed; then it's a case of seeing what happens and trying to pull my life back together.
Força
17 visitors have commented:
{{{BIG HUGS}}} to you Ruth xx I know it must be so hard to think you have 'blubbed' in front of a stranger but sometimes a stranger can be the most understanding...I found talking and even crying with two total strangers was so much better than talking to those who knew me!
I really don't have any advice to give...I have been down a similar road and also had to juggle the benefits system but I don't think I understand it any more now than I did 2 years ago!
Just know we are all here for you anytime you need us. Love and {{{COMFORTING HUGS}}} xxx
Thanks Talj; Once I've got myself together and can get a job hopefully I'll not have to rely on a benefits system; £58 doesn't go far in this day and age.
Rx
I can only second everything that Talj has already so aptly put and send you lots of love and (((BIG HUGS))))
We dont get any practise runs in situations like this Ruth and from where Im sitting your doing all the right things and making the right choices when your options are limited, thats keeping some control and keeping things together when its tough. Im full of admiration for you xxxx Auds
Forca xx
Been there done that. It is called Debtors Assistance here in Canada. I was left with a pile of debts after my divorce and ex-husband went back to Europe. They were very nice to me and I did eventually pay everything off.
When I first became a single Mom again with 3 teenage boys I also had to apply for welfare they made me feel that I was trying to scam the system, however in about a year I was off it for good.
All I can say to you is a quote from the Bible "It came to pass"
and it will.
The old Ruth is still there - but just a bit swamped under all the 'rubbish' that life has thrown at her at the mo. But the good news is that she will surface from all the that - and see the light at the end of the tunnel - it is there - it might be small at the moment but it will get bigger the nearer to get to it.
From personal experience life throws such insurmountable dross at us at times, and we think that it will never end - but it does, and sometimes it takes times, but it will happen!
The water meter will work and saves a huge amount of money, all the little cut backs seem pathetic, but they do add up over time and make a difference.
You need to cry and rant and rave - you are doing exactly the right thing, it is so harmful to bottle things up (says she who used too LOL)
Using this blog for doing just that is brilliant - it is easier talking to 'strangers' even though you know we are your friends - inasmuch as you don't have to see their faces or reactions - and that makes you stronger.
I know that if I had an ounce of sympathy, I collapsed like Samson every time. The hug or sympathetic face just dissolved me.
But impartial support on here will empower you.
It is still early days and you are only just setting out on your new journey. Sometimes you go through a pleasant part and see the sunshine and flowers, then you hit a rough part of the journey which seems full of rubbish and you trip up, but believe always, that the further you venture, the more the 'landscape' improves, and the better it gets.
xxxxxx
ditto to everything Lottie said. I know from mums experience what a shock it can be and how hard life can be, but it does get better, honest.
{{hugs}}
Ditto Ditto and Ditto !! :lol: If you need any budgeting help - it's something i'm good at (Oh god I sound like such a sad sack!) also good at finding good deals. eg have you seen tiscali deal on broadband and phone line rental. Mine is 19.99 month including unlimited 8mb broadband, all landline phone calls and phone line rental. the switch was reasonably painless was without internet last night while they tranferred the line from BT, but otherwise OK! There are cheaper options too! If there's anything else you need help with do ask..... it's what friends are for!
p.s. My favourite concert there in your little player - the concert in central park - you can't beat that for putting a smile on your face!!!! :)
I can't add anything to what your other friends have said, dear Ruth. Just know I'm here for you and always will be.
HUGS
J x
Don't I know what this is like. Advice from somebody who has been there: grief and then do you best about the rest. What I mean is that the money stuff takes a lot of time to straighten out and it is OK. I lost my good credit rating and know what? I lived just like I always had. I found that a credit rating did not make me happy or miserable. I was able to buy this huge old house in the woods in Vermont, I was able to buy a car. I had to pay extra in financing but I was/am willing to do that. Don't let the values of the finance people influence your grief. That is sacred.
Thanks all of you for your comments; it's comforting to know that these things DO happen to other people and it's not just me having made a mess of it. It's great to know that it is possible to get out of too!
{{{HUGS}} to you all
Rx
the old Ruth is still around, she is just in that very confusing place of having to redefine herself. Before april 6th, you were the strong fulltime loving caretaker. Now you have not only lost Mick, but in a way your identity too. Give yourself time, and you will redefine your life, it may surprise you how it turns out, but with the old strong, capable Ruth lurking there in the background, you are sure to make a success of it!
Ruth, just a thought - but have you considered turfing out your cupboards and selling stuff on ebay? it's amazing what people will pay for stuff that you haven't used for years!
suzi-k; you are so right about the identity loss...since Mick & I met there was no Mick OR Ruth..it was always Mick AND Ruth.
Auntie Noo; I must look into how Ebay works..I often hear people speak of it.
Rx
Ruth, you will come through this stronger than ever in the end. You are in the transitional period in between lives, in a way.
I think about you often, dear friend, and I'm sorry that I've not been checking up on you lately. By all means, use this blog as a place to let go, as you need that. As for blubbering with a complete stranger, it was what you needed at the moment, no matter how it aggravates you to think about having done it.
As for the eBay idea, we sell there constantly, with about 250 items on right now, so ask away if I can help you in any way. I'm sure you have lots of things stuck back that others collect or would love to use in their own homes. We all keep way too much "stuff", don't we!!!
Send me some pictures of things you think you'd like to get rid of, and I'll help you write the listing and set the price, if you like.
Thanks Dirty Butter; just got to get myself into the frame of mind to part with things
Rx
what can I say darling...just so helpless...can just take you in my arms, ...come with me for a nice little walk...we'll have tea in the garden...
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