SMALL CHANGE

I'm not happy with this blog anymore; when Mick was alive even when we were having bad days I would blog and before I knew it the gloom would turn to sunshine. Lately this hasn't been happening...I don't know if it can again. I don't want to close it completely; it acts as a memorandum during my battle with the Benefits Agencies and assorted creditors....who I rang, when I rang, what I/they said etc. But I don't want it to turn into the pathetic ramblings of a miserable woman and I know I'm getting lower and lower each day.....Hopefully at some point I'll turn the corner. At the moment I'm seeking the proverbial "light at the end of the tunnel"; trying desperately to actually look forward to something........I'm searching in my own Pandora's Box...trying to find HOPE but at the moment it's alluding me. I know I can still laugh...I've read quite a few blogpals posts lately that have made me laugh out loud...but the laughter soon fades...snuffed out by the sorrow within me.

I've been doing daily posts for a long time now; each day with Mick was precious..............I'm posting today about my calls to B.D.C. and the benefits office and I'll probably post about the CAB appointment on Thursday.....but there will be days in between...days like yesterday when I've been gardening, walking, reading, taking photographs....these are days that belong on my M.M.L.M.G. blog....all that would be left for this blog is the emotional turmoil I'm going through....no fun to read and no fun to write. So from now on my regular posts will be on my "garden" blog and I'll just stick to "business" here..............

Well that's the theory...only time will tell if it works in practice.

Right now to the phone calls; by some miracle it only took 15 minutes to speak to Babergh District Council about the Rent and Council Tax I've been told I have to pay...the lady I spoke to was very nice, she is deferring the decision for now....once/IF I do get the £87p.w. Bereavement Allowance I'll have to make the payments up but at least for now they won't be attempting to take Direct Debits out of my bank account...which would result in non-payment due to insufficient funds AND a hefty great bank charge because payment was refused!

The Bereavement Allowance Office wasn't a lot of help...they agree that my Carer's Allowance has now ceased but my paperwork is with the "DECISION MAKER'S" and so they are unable to tell me WHEN or IF I will receive any money. They did say I should get a decision SOON but were unable to define exactly when SOON would be.

I'm still unable to get any further re the £109 in Mick's bank account....the Bank has a "back-log" it seems and so as yet are unable to help re: WHEN/IF/HOW I can gain access to that.

I've filled the form in that I received from one of Mick's Credit Card Companies...there is a long list of things they need to know re: ASSETS...stocks and shares, motor vehicle, property and the such like..the only thing that was relevant was that £109 in his bank account..........that was rather outweighed by the figure I had to put in the LIABILITIES column...which included Funeral Expenses.

To end this post on a bright note...Jenny finished her Triathlon on Saturday... I was so pleased for her. This week is going to be an energetic week for another couple of blogpals too.....Julie (CG) who is a regular commenter/supporter on my blogs is doing her Race For Life on Wednesday evening (can't believe they do an evening run in Chester...that's when I'd be wanting to put my feet up!) and AuntieNoo is doing hers on Saturday...bet they're glad I won't be there videoing there "warm-ups" like I did with Kim!

I saw this on Claire's Blog and just had to have one myself......please feel free to share it.....

COLCHESTER UNITED

What an incredible day it's been today. A day filled with pride and deep emotion. A day of raindrops and tears. A day filled with the sunshine of smiles.

Leanne and I had booked a cab for 8.30am to take us to the station. When we woke up and saw the gloomy skies we were glad we had; we didn't want to be drenched before we even got to Colchester. We didn't bother with breakfast....Saturday's supper of Victorian Sponge filled with cherries had left us both full.

The taxi arrived on time; it was a Merc so we travelled in style.......

and were at the station in minutes................. for some reason the train from Marks Tey to Colchester had been cancelled and so part of the journey to Colchester had to be made on the Rail Relief Bus

THE JOURNEY

Kim and Steve kindly picked us up from Colchester Station and off we went to Colchester Park where the race was being run. As I looked around at all the people gathered there and read all the messages pinned to their t-shirts I couldn't help but shed a few tears.. So many women touched in some way by the evil curse of Cancer. Names of Grandparents, Parents, Children, Friends..........so many different relatives....some even "FOR EVERYBODY". Each woman (some elderly, some children) felt an universal bond as they prepared to run for their loved ones. Not even the rain could dampen their spirits as they (and people like me who came to support them) united in a single thought...................in praise and memory for those who are suffering, have suffered and one day may suffer from this terrible disease that destroys the lives of so many.

THE RACE

After many hugs of pride and tears Kim went off home to have a well earned rest. Leanne and I walked through the park to town; by now the effects of that Victoria Sponge had worn off and MacDonalds was calling! We popped into a couple of shops and then caught the bus to Leanne's. VIA THE PARK TO LEANNE'S

It's only the second time I've been to Leanne's home. The first time was near Christmas 2005; when, with Mick already in a wheelchair, Leanne arranged some very costly special transport so that we could visit her. Yes we shed a few tears at this memory.............

The grandchildren arrived home and Kirsty opened the birthday presents from myself and Manda and co. and all to soon it was time for me to leave. I'd booked a cab to get me to Colchester Station for the Rail Relief Bus back to Marks Tey...the taxi was rather late and I only just made it in time!...thanks to the driver cutting a few corners and maneuvering some interesting overtaking procedures.............

THE JOURNEY HOME

Now I know some of you who are reading this are also taking part in the Race For Life in your own parts of the country during the coming months. (Yes Julie I'm thinking especially of you). I want you to know how much it means to people like me who have seen their loved ones ravaged and destroyed by Cancer. They call it the RACE for life; but it isn't a race...whether you are first or last past the finishing line; whether you run or walk; there are no losers; you are all WINNERS in my eyes.

And to help you with your training here are a few clips of Kim doing her "WARM UPS" before the race.......

Well I'm worn out myself after doing this "marathon" post so apologies if I don't blogvisit you all this evening. I'll catch up with you tomorrow..........