THE MAN FROM GREAT CORNARD SAY..........

What a fabulous morning it has been. Mick woke up and seemed very alert; it was not my imagination as Manda commented on it when she popped in on her way to work. Mick drank all his tea and ate all his porridge; first time for quite a while. As I was so thrilled I started singing one of his little ditties to him, "Your a Star, Your a Star.." and MICK SANG "GREAT BIG TITS AND A SEE THROUGH BRA"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I honestly thought I was dreaming; I literally pinched myself as I choked back my tears of happiness. The last time this happened was back in November last year....and strangely enough it was when I sang exactly the same song! I have been "all over the place" since then; I really don't know if I'm "coming or going" such is the state of euphoria I am in. I did somehow manage to text the girls and tell them the exciting news...they are so THRILLED. Although I'm always happy to hear Mick say ANYTHING the fact that he SANG and sang something FUNNY makes it all the more special because it tells me that HE IS HAPPY!!!!!

Now on a more serious note; I always try and keep away from the subjects of religion, politics and general world news on my posts unless it specifically pertains to our situation; today, however, I'm going to break that rule and share with you a story that is in the news in England at the moment.

Dying woman begged for food, inquest told· NHS staff dispute claim 91-year-old was starved· Inquest hears she was not fed for 4 days in hospital

Lee Glendinning

Tuesday January 9, 2007 The Guardian

A 91-year-old grandmother left in hospital for four days without food or fluids had begged to be given a beetroot sandwich, some macaroni cheese and a cup of tea shortly before she died, an inquest heard yesterday.
The family of Olive Nockels, a former school matron from Holt, Norfolk, say she had asked them if she could have something to eat and drink, although this is disputed by doctors and nurses at the Norfolk and Norwich University hospital.
Mrs Nockels had been receiving fluids containing dextrose after being admitted to the hospital on September 14 2003 following a stroke, the inquest in Norwich heard. But doctors decided to stop when she developed an oedema - a build-up of excess fluid in her body - and became "waterlogged", leaking fluid from her arms, trunk and legs.
Two attempts were made to fit Mrs Nockels with a tube to feed her through her nose , but she became distressed and the efforts were abandoned.
Between October 2 and October 6, 2003, she went without any food or fluids, the inquest heard.
Her grandson, Chris West, obtained a high court injunction ordering the treatment to be reinstated, but it was overturned the next day when a hospital consultant expressed concern to the judge.
In a statement to the court, Mr West said: "It was around this time that they said my grandmother's quality of life was so poor, that they shouldn't intervene, and [should] let her die. They said there was nothing they could do for her.
"I was not willing to accept that. You do not let someone die just because [you] think it's best for them."
Mrs Nockels died four days after the high court ruling on October 10.
Mr West said that he had a conversation with a doctor in which he said: "How my grandmother is being treated - not getting any fluids or food - I would not treat my dog like that." The doctor allegedly replied: "Vets have got more power than doctors." The doctor has denied this.
A consultant geriatrician, Brian Payne, hd examined Mrs Nockels. He told the inquest that he was not aware of her having asked for food. She seemed confused when he asked simple questions, and when he broached the possibility of a feeding tube, she did not respond - apart from telling him to go away. "When I asked her whether she realised she would die, or whether she wished to die, or was ready to die, she made no response," he said. "I felt I was looking at a 91-year-old lady who was exceptionally frail with multiple disabilities, and I thought she was dying."
In a statement previously handed to the coroner, Mrs Nockels' daughter, Ivy West, said that when the hospital stopped feeding her mother through tubes, her mother had made an impassioned plea. "She said 'Help, help me, help me please.' They weren't feeding her or giving her any drink. I think she knew what was going on." The inquest continues.

Now I know this poor lady was bound to die. I am in a similar situation with Mick. He has terminal brain cancer with no possibility of recovery....I have no choice but to accept that fact. He may well meantime contract pneumonia or some other illness in the meantime and die..................I have no choice but to accept that fact. However, as long as I have breath in my body he WILL NOT DIE OF STARVATION OR DEHYDRATION! My heart goes out to the family of Mrs Nockels' and I hope they can find some peace. In this day and age no one should have to die in pain and suffering and I fully support anyone's "RIGHT TO DIE"; but they die in PEACE AND CONTENTMENT. It makes me wonder whether this attitude of the NHS is why it took 6 months for anyone to tell me about "Thick and Easy" and a further 3 months before I was told that the Hyoscine Patches existed when Mick was having so much trouble swallowing.

That said I shall now go and put back on my all singing, all dancing hat and enjoy the rest of this very special and memorable day.

YOU'RE A STAR!

I was looking back on my previous posts and realised how much I am sharing my once private thoughts. A few months ago I would have never been able to open up like this. It's good for me and it's good for the family. Sometimes it's difficult to tell the family during a phone call all that has been happening. And if we receive three or four family calls (as often happens) I have to try and repeat everything 3 or 4 times and try not to leave any news out. By reading my posts which are written during my chill out times they can catch up on anything I've forgotten to say.

For those of you who are just visitors dropping by I do hope that you will not find it awkward reading some of these posts. If it's all too personal for you, but you want to keep in touch, then switch over to my other blog. Please remember this blog is not written to gain sympathy; Mick and I are the lucky ones. Many people never get the chance to have "The Long Goodbye"; you only have to turn on the news or read a newspaper to realise that.

All that said I must tell those who are still reading about last night. Just before dinner Mick was looking rather uncomfortable and, as he has been a little more alert, I asked if he wanted the commode. He whispered "Yes Please". Now it's no easy task getting Mick onto the commode but I wasn't going to let it beat me. Thankfully I managed it and Mick did so well sitting there. I chatted to him constantly making sure he felt comfortable etc. At one point I said "You re a star aren't you" , his bottom lip dropped and he said "NO"; oh my breaking heart when he said that. I put him straight about that, telling him how proud I was of him and how brilliant he is. I then sang a little ditty he taught me "You're a star, you're a star. Great big..............." and Mick SANG "tits and a see through bra!". What a remarkable man he is and so wonderful to hear his sense of humour is still with him.

Manda turned up in the nick of time to help me get Mick back into bed after he had done his business and after a brief sleep I'm pleased to say he ate his dinner with great relish.

I don't have any star photos so will share with you Mick's favourite clematis, STAR of India.

IF MUSIC BE THE FOOD OF LOVE................

Today is one of those typically rainy "will it ever get light days?". Although its only 10am it feels like 5pm as it is rainy, gloomy and miserable outside. Mick has had a few mumblings this morning and (get ready to say ahhhhhhhhhhhhh) he said "Love You" to me. Just typing that bought a lump to my throat. Not that I don't know he loves me; its just so good to hear him say it.
As the weather is so yukky, after dressing Mick I have sat him up in bed and put on some of our SPECIAL CDs. We always have music on in the house; sometimes a CD or sometimes the Classic Gold radio station (loads of golden oldies). Because I find it so emotionally challenging it is very rarely that I put on any our Micks and mine special songs. I feel selfish sometimes because I know that Mick loves them so much but, as at the moment I am having to be so emotionally strong, I can't often bring myself to listen to them. However, once in a while, on a day like today out comes Lionel Richie and Celine Dion. Mick and I have many songs that mean a lot to us but "Hello" by Lionel Richie is the most special. I will share the reason with you should you care to linger here a while.
After my first marriage broke up I got myself into a very bad and violent relationship. We women are inclined to do things like that when someone leaves us. We feel worthless and are apt to cling to anyone who shows us some attention even if it means putting up with some horrendous times. I guess probably men can go through the same thing but I am speaking purely from a woman's point of view. Anyway, I first met Mick whilst in this relationship. Wow how he made my heart flutter and knees tremble. He still does! We clicked immediately. Our outlook on life, sense of humour, everything just seemed right. I won't go into the ins and outs of it all but Mick saved my life; not only literally but emotionally and psychologically. One day, before Mick and I had expressed our true feelings to each other, he asked me to dance when "Hello" was playing. It's a great feeling being safe in someones arms. He sang the whole of the song into my ear and we really enjoyed the "grindy" bit. I blush just thinking about it! He put a special intonation on the words "I love you". Manda was there at the time (still at school girl - how time flies!) and she whispered to me "I think someones trying to tell you something!". How right she was. Our relationship went from strength to strength from there.

Gotta have a wee break now, bit emotional!

AND THERE'S MORE

I really thought that yesterday would be a one off but I'm pleased to say that, although he has not been as chatty as yesterday, Mick has still managed a few odd words and one sentence. Mick's brother, Ron and sister-in-law, Brenda, came to visit and although Mick slept for most of their visit 'joy of joys' they did get to hear Mick say a couple of words. This was so great because, although Ron and Brenda visit regularly and Ron has phoned almost every day over the past 17 months, it must be a year since he heard his brothers voice.

Rocky must have followed Manda round tonight as he was waiting outside when she left. He popped in just to check we were all ok; had his usual scratch of the bottom stair and then walked Manda home. Isn't that just one of those "ahhhhh" moments.

HIGH AND HIGHER

I AM ON SUCH A HIGH...............
TODAY HAS GOT BETTER AND BETTER.............................

Mick has now spoken FOUR times today.

1. this morning (see previous post)


2. at lunch time; he had a massive fart (excuse the indelicacy of this) and I joked "I'll name that tune in......................" and he said "ONE!"


3. when Manda came round to help with his kitchenshower he said "HELLO!" to her


4. when Leanne was speaking to him on the phone he said "YES!"

I really hope that the doctor will allow us to have more of the patches as it is quite possible that these wondrous words are due to the fact that

• he is now able to drink more, therefore becoming less dehydrated


• he is breathing easier, therefore more oxygen is getting to his brain


• because he is not choking it up, he is getting more benefit from the steroids he has to take
  

Of course it may be nothing to do with the patches; it may just be one of those miraculous days. Even if tomorrow things go back to normal it must be so much less stressful to him (and me) not to be choking all the time.

A feel good photo. Melissa and Grandad. Mel's t-shirt says "That's it I'm calling Grandad!"

HIGHS AND LOWS

What a wonderful start to the morning. As Mick had his patch put on on Friday we did not give him his kitchenshower as we didn't want to risk the patch getting wet and coming off. He is due for a fresh patch tonight so are doing his shower this afternoon. Over breakfast I said to Mick, "I think this afternoon I'll take you into the kitchen and give you a nice hairwash and freshen up. May even give the naughty bits a freshen up". He turned his head towards me, opened his eyes and said "WHO, ME?". Choking back tears of joy I said "Well you don't think I'm gonna strip of any other guy and start messing with his privates do you?" I swear he smiled when I said that!

Now the lows......... My dear friend Sue, from across the road, popped in this morning. Her son-in-law (only 37) has had a stroke. He doesn't drink or smoke and is not overweight. Naturally she is very upset. It seems it was touch and go for a while in the ambulance to the hospital. He is now managing to speak and shuffle to the toilet but will have to undergo a lot of tests to see what the problem is. Naturally, with her being so involved with us, she is very worried that he may have a brain tumor. I tried to console her by explaining that Micks tumor is very rare (in the pineal gland) and that in many circumstances brain tumors are operable with great success. Hopefully it wont be a tumor; in fact let's be positive - IT WONT BE A TUMOR!. It was strange talking to her because you would think that being in the situation that I am that I would know all the right things to say to her, to help her through this worrying time. It wasn't like that though; even I was lost for words. I wish there was something I could do to help; even it was just looking after her grandchildren for a while so that she and Tom could have some private time with their daughter and son-in-law, or maybe get some shopping in for them or something...anything!!!!. Alas that would all be impracticable so I hope that a cup of tea and a shoulder to cry on will be of help to her.

Had to have a CHEER UP pic