N.H.S. (No Heart Service)

Well we got the Death Certificate...the powers that be have decided that Mick passed away on the 7th April despite the fact WE know and the Doctor who verified knows it was the 6th. It seems because of the fact we had to wait for over 2 hours before the Doctor came to see Mick and by then it was the early hours Saturday morning, that as far as his records are concerned that is the day he died. We are all very upset at this; we all felt that Mick had decided when it should be and waited until the end of a very special, happy family day...waited until the children had gone home...waited until he and I had our few special hours together. What ever the certificate says as far as we are concerned and what I shall tell anyone who asks is that the date of Mick's last journey was GOOD FRIDAY 6TH APRIL 2007. It upset me deeply; it felt as though that special day and special moment had been stolen from us by bureaucracy.

What made it worse was the insensitivity of our doctor when he phoned to tell me the certificate was ready. He told me to come to the surgery and pick it up and then said "Where's the BODY". Even just typing it brings tears to my eyes. There are a hundred ways he could have asked,...who's taking care of your husband?....which funeral director have you chosen?.....I'm sure you can think of another 98 ways without being so brutal and cruel. This is the same doctor who when Mick had terrible headaches, started to become incontinent, couldn't walk in a straight line without guidance, couldn't see clearly and felt permanently giddy told us that Mick had an ear infection....and continued to treat him for this despite continuous weekly appointments at his surgery. What a callous, cold blooded apology for a human being our doctor is.

My stress levels are rising and rising. I want to grieve and cry but I am so damned angry!!!!! I could accept feeling angry at losing Mick...that would be natural...a natural process of grief and loss; but my whole being is being eaten away by the anger I feel at this so called doctor and the whole of our local NHS.

It was so nice when Steve (Lynn's hubby) turned up, although the poor man must have thought he'd turned up into a war zone as Lynn and I were so stressed out......his big "man" cuddle made us both feel a lot better.

Still at least now we have been able to make an appointment with the registrar and the funeral directors for tomorrow and so by the end of Thursday we should feel a lot calmer as the NHS should by then be totally out of the system...providing of course that TWO doctors DO go to the funeral directors and grant permission for a cremation!!!!! It seems they have to certify that no "foul play" has taken place.....I think the only foul play involved was that done by the NHS!!!!

To help lower my stress levels and hopefully my blood pressure...the rate we are going I'll be needing to increase my own dosage!!!.......we went to a garden centre. One of my blogfriends, Julie, had sent me a lovely card which included some Garden Gift Vouchers so that I could buy something special for the garden....isn't that such a lovely thing to do!!!!!

Nothing "caught my eye"....I'll know when I see the "right" thing...but while we were there I thought I'd take advantage of having some car drivers about and picked up 4 bags of compost and 3 bags of shingle. These would be difficult things for me to buy and transport home.

Ha..Ha...no one knew I had my camera with me and don't know I took these shots!!!!..as I lingered behind them! A little bit of silliness and light relief!

I have had a phone call from the lady who will be conducting Mick's service...she will be coming to the house on Monday morning to talk about Mick, music and readings. I'll tell you more about that when the final decisions have been made.

Steve has now gone home (after a good roast lamb dinner) and Lynn and I have been round to Manda's house for a short while. It seemed so strange as although she only lives around the corner we haven't been able to get into her house due to the steepness of the steps. I'm finding my own "small steps" quite difficult...it doesn't seem the same without Mick.

It did mean, though, that I saw the Forsythia in bloom that Mick and I had given Manda some years ago.......she says it has never flowered as well as it has this year....very special.

And for the first time I have taken a sunset photo from a garden other than our own.............
I hope you are all enjoying the Easter Egg Hunt; only a few more clues to go!!!!!

IT DON'T GET ANY EASIER

I shall attempt to write this post without using the copious 4 letter words and foul mouthed language that I have been using an hour ago. The NHS has reared its inefficient, uncaring head again.

A brief recap; on Thursday 5th March a Doctor specifically came out to see Mick so that in the event of his death he would not have to have an autopsy. It would be a bit pointless as it had been considered that he would not live beyond July 2005.

Due to Mick passing away on Good Friday we had to wait until this morning to go to our surgery to obtain the death certificate.. As soon as the surgery opened at 8.30 am I went in and explained what I needed to the receptionist. She assured me that the Doctor would get it done today and would phone me as soon as the certificate was ready for collection.

We waited.........waited some more............then we waited a bit more.............did some work in the garden while we waited.......finished that....still waiting...............4 pm the phone went; despite running I didn't get to it quick enough before the caller rang off; I redialed the number as I could see on our caller display that it was the surgery..............the receptionist had no idea who had phoned so I explained that it could have been a call re the death certificate....she put me through to Doctor who said the doctor who came to see Mick was away for a long weekend and so the certificate would not be done until he got back. Wouldn't you have thought someone could have told us that earlier....NOT leave us sitting around all day when there are so many other things we could have been doing and family members we could have visited!!!!

It appears that the "law of the land" decrees that only the doctor who saw Mick previous to death can sign the certificate. Ok so this is the law and I can't fight that but wouldn't you think out of common decency and humanity SOMEONE could have just phoned and let us know!!!! instead of letting us stew!!!!

I spoke to the Hospice Nurse and asked her what happens if the doctor has an accident or falls sick....will Mick then have to have an autopsy!!! She admitted she didn't know and would phone me back. Surprisingly she did!......it seems the doctor in question is back at work tomorrow but at a different surgery which is a whole 5 minutes by car away from ours....therefore we will have to wait till Thursday for him to do anything. I protested my anger "*************" and said Lynn would pick him up and take him to our surgery so he can write it out if needed!!!...the nurse says she will speak to him tomorrow to try and get it sorted. I hope she does because I have arrangements that need to be made. We have already been told by the Funeral Directors that the earliest date possible is 25th April and that's only IF we can quickly get the death certificate before anyone else needs to take the date!

QUESTIONS TO THE NHS

1. 
   
   Why if a doctor has recorded his visit and decided that death is imminent cannot any qualified doctor write out the death certificate?*


2. 
   
   Why cannot a surgery have some respect for grieving relatives and make a simple phone call to explain any problems?


3. 
   
   Why in this age of technology and modern transport cannot a doctor in a surgery 5 minutes away from another get of his a**e and write a certificate?

End of rant you'll be pleased to know.....that's until I start on some of the family members!!!

MY DREAM

*just to clarify as I think I did not explain it well during my rant moment; Mick was, of course, seen by a doctor after he passed away; this doctor only verifies death....the doctor who saw Mick BEFORE he passed away has to actually write the certificate out.

Just a catch up on today, a day of blue skies and sunshine. Manda and I had arranged earlier in the week that we would walk to town today; I thought about it and decided not to go. As I fear things are not going well for Mick I knew that if he was aware of what was going on that he would rather be sitting in our garden than traipsing around a noisy, busy town.


So that's what we did and we stayed there until 3.30pm.Manda popped in a few times during the day and kept me well supplied with coffees!!! Like Leanne and Lynn she wants to spend as much time with Mick as possible but at the same time realises how important it is for me to have my own private time with him.......well there's some sloppy stuff I can't possibly say to him in front of the children!!!!!Manda and I took it in turns to read some interesting bits out of the Gardening Magazine I'd bought the last time we went to the shops........Manda (being a self-confessed NON gardener) did very well reading out some of the Latin names....I bet Mick was smiling inside at some of her pronunciation. Chris and Nicole also popped in for a while and Lynn is coming (just for the day) tomorrow. Leanne was due to come on Thursday but wants to bring that forward; the problem is that being the Easter weekend public transport is almost non existent!

The Hospice Nurse phoned and popped in. I told her of my problem that some people want me to let them know WHEN Mick is in his final stages........she said even the greatest physician on Earth wouldn't be able to answer that...it could be today, it could be tomorrow, it could be...???? Mick has been defying the odds for 22+ months already. Two "good" things she did do was bring me some of the soft mouth swabs which she expected we had been given from day one......we hadn't....and also made sure the Doctor popped in...just for the record...so that we wouldn't have to have an autopsy.........I'm grateful for that!

I'm sorry if this all sounds a bit gloomy but I will quote what I wrote in the 2nd post of this blog when I began it;

Before I start writing this blog in earnest I must warn you that this is my "no holds barred" blog. It is not for the faint hearted or the squeamish. Although I hope it will contain some "smiley" entries I know that many of my posts will be of sad events over the last 18 months and of sad events in the days to come. There WILL be mention of bowel movements and vomit. There WILL be tears. So should I make this blog a private one and allow NO visitors?
Maybe I should.............................
But then again.................................
maybe reading this will make someone happier with their "lot"
maybe reading this will make someone feel less alone coping with their problems
but most of all
maybe reading this will make YOU realise how precious every moment is that is spent with those we love

On that note I leave you with tonight's sunset, a gentle reminder to visit the Easter Bunnies Egg Hunt and

Carpe Diem (Seize the day!) ....... thanks to Sx for this one too!

SOME THINGS ARE HARD TO SWALLOW

I'd noticed Thursday evening and again yesterday morning that at times Mick was really wincing. He can't tell me what the problem is and so I have to rely on a bit of guesswork as to what the problem is. I know the area on his chest hurts him but the wincing didn't happen when I touched his arm My next idea was that his urine infection had returned; I've already said how low his urine output is and so thought I would put my idea to the test. I took off his "padding" , as we call it, and tried to coax him into having a wee. I think it is more natural for him to try with the padding off, it is pretty bulky and uncomfortable. Luckily he did manage a dribble and sure enough the wince on his face appeared. I phoned the Doctor's Surgery to see if they would repeat the prescription he had earlier in the month. The receptionist wasn't sure whether the Doctor would have to see Mick before prescribing anything and asked me to phone back at 11.45am. This I did but the Doctor hadn't received my request yet so she asked me to try again later. About half an hour later the Doctor phoned me; I think he may have been a locum as he had a strong French accent. He agreed to a repeat prescription and asked me to come down to the surgery and pick it up. It was pouring with rain and I didn't really want to drag Mick out but luckily Manda finishes work early on a Friday so was able to pick it up at 3pm. The surgery is only 10 minutes from us at a brisk pace and by 4pm she wasn't back. I text her to see if there was a problem....THERE WAS.....the Doctor had prescribed Mick TABLETS rather than liquid antibiotics. Thank goodness Manda had the foresight to check the prescription before she took it to the Chemists. She immediately told the receptionist and then had to wait over an hour before the doctor would correct the prescription. it makes me wonder whether doctors actually bother to look at patients records!!!! I am so grateful to Manda...can you imagine if I had dragged Mick out, not noticed the error, then walked all the way to the Chemists only to find that he had been prescribed tablets! Manda did find one interesting piece of information while she was waiting......besides all the "confidential" medical information, names and addresses of patients that were being shouted between the reception staff and down the phone for all to hear........she picked up a leaflet about Cancer, it seems that as soon as a patient is diagnosed they are assigned a "key worker" who helps them and deals with any questions/problems that may arise between diagnosis and whatever outcome there may be. Didn't know that!!!

My idea of "little and often" has worked well so far....I'm in the process of making up various small meals, both savoury and sweet which will only take minutes to heat in the microwave. Yesterday Mick managed 4 "small meals" and even drank a little orange squash without too much choking. As soon as the slightest sign of mucus build up occurred I stopped giving him food and tried again a few hours later. Hopefully the same system will work today. He also kept his eyes open for quite a time while they Gardening Programmes were on TV......and turned his head slightly towards the TV on occasions.

You know the little donation box in my side bar, the one that looks like this.

Well take a look at what the Just Giving Blog have said ..........CLICK HERE .

Even if you're not in a position to donate yourself but would like to help...please think about putting it on your sidebar for others to see. Hopefully your lives have not been touched by the "BIG C", the more research that is done to obliterate it the more likely it is that your children and grandchildren won't be touched by it either.

To those of you who have already added the donation box.......a huge THANK YOU....it means a lot to me, more than I can put into mere words.

The sun rose beautifully this morning though the forecast is for rain; no matter though.....I shall take Mick into the kitchen and he can watch me potting up seedlings..............

p.s. still not cleaned the oven!

EATING, COOKING AND CLEANING........

Well I'm still struggling with this choking business...I should rephrase that...WE are still struggling.........Mick's fine with the first few mouthfuls then suddenly the choking starts. Talj has been a great help; because of what happened to Rose she has contact with a lot of Brain Tumour Forums; she has posted about Mick to see if anyone has any ideas. The suggestion was made that a Speech Therapist may help; sometimes when the body has had enough food in BT patients it can mean they continue to eat but that the food goes into their lungs instead of their stomach, this is what causes the choking. Also a "swallowing xray" can be done that shows if this is what is happening; if it is... one solution would be a feeding tube. Well as many of you may know we have in fact been down the "Speech Therapist" route......you'll find one of the posts about it here.....TONGUE IN CHEEK....just click for a reminder. Even if the xray was done I know Mick wouldn't enjoy a feeding tube. It would make things a lot more difficult moving him around too.........also Mick's enjoyment of food comes from the taste of it...it wouldn't be the same down a tube. Besides who am I kidding.........I'm 100% sure that our doctor would not even consider such a thing..........even if I have called him in fearing chest or urine infections or about the choking and dehydration, nothing really has been done......I've never once seen a stethoscope come out to "sound" his chest...no blood pressure taken....no temperature taken....in fact, as with the odd visit from a District Nurse (not since last year), the Doctor has never TOUCHED Mick. When I showed him the pressure area on Mick's chest a few weeks back the Doctor never attempted to help me move Mick's clenched arm so that he could see it. If I couldn't have managed it...the Doctor wouldn't have even seen what I was talking about. Oh for a Doctor like Hugh Laurie portrays in the series "House".... his bedside mannner may not be the greatest but BOY! does he get things done.....I wonder if there are any like him anywhere in this world!

I've decided that I'm going down the "little and often" route....well as much as Mick's awake periods will allow. I'm going to make varied savoury and sweet courses up in little ramekin dishes.....they will then be almost "instantly" available if Mick does want a little to eat. Not much I can do about his liquid intake...he is not "weeing" much at all. This week just once a day.....and I have to coax him to do that. It goes to show though that he is still understanding me in as much that the "coaxing" works!

We have no visitors this weekend so I'm hoping to catch up on a few jobs; I've some potting on to do of some seedlings (Mick can sit in the kitchen and watch me doing that); I've also got to sort out the reams of photos on the computer...they are a bit all over the place at the moment; I want to get some "labels" on my old posts too to make it easier to refer back to; if we do have some nice weather (raining at the moment) we shall of course head out into the garden...............with any luck all of these things will keep me so busy that there won't be time to clean the oven...........so many times I've intended to do it and got (very easily) sidetracked !!!!

I must do it soon though before the food starts walking out of the oven in disgust!

And if you've got a few minutes to spare and have a chore that you're trying to "put off" you could always pay a visit to the Team Smarties HQ or The Prints for Rose Online Store.

FROM "CHILL OUT" TO "WARM OUT"

You know that post yesterday morning......when I said that it was really rainy and so Mick and I were going to have a chill out day........................well things changed rather...............

from this

to this

which meant that instead of lazing about indoors we did this.....

Mick managed to get a look at the daffodils in the front garden; and then we went over to the Chemists and picked up his prescription. The weather was so warm and Mick seemed quite content as I nosed into other people's gardens and commented on the tuneful birdsong that permeated the air. I decided to carry on and take a walk past the school where Manda works;

this overgrown area is the school Wildlife garden....tucked in there is a pond...I bet there are a few frogs having some fun today! I must ask Manda to check and see if they have frog spawn yet..........our own frogs at the moment are "playing not laying".

Manda had told me yesterday that one of the trees near the school was covered in blossom; sadly it doesn't show very well in this photo,it's difficult to get Mick to look upwards but this tree had obligingly bloomed at Mick height as well as up high.

It wasn't the only tree in blosson; the photo of this one came out better.

There was even time when we got back home for a little sit in the garden.

Certainly nothing like the day I'd expected!

In the afternoon the doctor phoned and said that there ARE bigger dressings,also, he will prescribe an iodine dressing to put directly over the infected pressure area.
And you know that tree in blossom; well when Manda dropped in on her way home from work she said that the Council had come in the afternoon and CUT THE TREE DOWN!......it was considered to be leaning dangerously over the alley that the children use to reach the school. Just think...I probably took the last ever photograph of that tree............a double special memory!

SPRING SPRUNG A LEAK!

Good news I rang the doctor yesterday morning about the pressure area on Mick's chest and he came out the same day!!! I really hate asking him to come out as he is not the most tactful of men. In the past he has asked me questions in Mick's hearing like "Is he blind yet?"..."Does he still understand you?"......"Do you know can always get respite care from the Hospice?". Fair enough questions I know....but not in front of Mick!!! I have told the Doctors and Nurses (on their rare visits) that Mick does not know he is dying!....when he was first diagnosed and thought he only had 2 months to live he knew he would lose some of his memory. He particularly asked that we (family) didn't remind him of his condition as he wanted to have the frame of mind that tomorrow WOULD come. I resolved today that when the Doctor came I would talk "nineteen to the dozen" giving the doctor no chance to say anything untoward. It worked and the doctor merely prescribed some antibiotics and prompted by Manda (who was here during her lunch hour) promised to see if there was a bigger dressing that I could put over the area. At the moment I'm having to place two dressings side by side to cover the area....which isn't ideal....he says that he doesn't think they make bigger dressings...I find this absurd as surely many people have wounds larger than an elliptical 8cm by 6cm. We shall see what we shall see!

Our expected visitors phoned to say they are unable to come as Brenda still has a cold. Poor us!....that means the deliciously moist Ginger Cake I've made will have to be shared into bigger portions....LOL.

I'll freeze this half......maybe!......it is going down rather well!

Mick is continuing to eat well....still won't drink.....but at least the yoghurts, mousses etc I give him have a high liquid content. He enjoyed his haircut and kitchen shower and had a peaceful night. Tracey, our hairdresser, remarked at what good condition his hair is in and how curly it was getting. I don't know why this is...maybe something to do with the steroids he is on.

We have rain forecast for the week.....a great shame as there are a few jobs I need to do in the garden and it would be nice to get Mick out there to "oversee" what I am doing. I point out his cards to him whenever he wakes....he has always been one for "long" birthdays. Even under normal circumstances a week later if he wanted something he would say "Well it is my birthday!"

Last night and this morning the rain returned with a vengeance. I think Mick & I will be having a lazy chill out day.................

but that doesn't stop me printing this collage.......just to prove how lovely Spring really is in our garden!

I SPY WITH MY LITTLE EYE

SOMETHING BEGINNING WITH....S.........

That's right......first thing this morning the sun reminded us that it IS still there.
Admittedly it didn't last very long!...but at least we know it's up there somewhere.

Sorry if I sounded a bit "down" yesterday....DirtyButter (who is going through a similar situation as myself) put it well in a comment to me in her own comment box. It seems we are both suffering from Anticipatory Grief..........I found an article about it and one of the paragraphs that stood out for me was;
"During the two years of my husbands terminal illness, my diary was without a doubt, my strongest coping tool, I wrote in it daily, often in the form of poetry, pouring my anger, my fear and my heartache on to the pages. Periodically, I would read back through it and through this I came to know myself very well - later I could see my strength coming through."
This in a way is what I'm doing with my blog; so if I do start pouring out a few woes don't worry....it's actually doing me good!

As it was yesterday ended on a more positive note. Firstly I managed to get the surgery to accept a prescription renewal over the phone...."as a one off, just this time". Then Manda & I gave Mick his kitchen/shower which always perks him up; during the transfer from bed to wheelchair he managed a brilliant bowel action...... and after a peaceful sleep he managed to eat a fair sized main course and chocolate sponge and rice pudding.......quite quickly too! Later in the evening he also DRANK almost a whole bottle of Complan Strawberry Milkshake!!! Great Stuff!!!

At the moment (9am) he is still fast asleep....hence me typing this and not busy with him at the moment. OK so I could be doing some housework but don't want to disturb him.......that's my excuse anyway....LOL

I must quickly update you on Chris's doctor appointment woes. He went down yesterday for the long awaited appointment and was told by the receptionist that "THEY HAD NO RECORD OF IT".......needless to say he was somewhat displeased!!!..........the receptionist explained that as there were only two of them on the desk "THESE THINGS HAPPEN!"............ She was unable to get him in to see the doctor and has now made him an appointment for....NEXT MONDAY.......this will be a full two weeks after he injured his back. No wonder the A&E departments are snowed under with people who really should be seeing their doctors!

Oh look what I've just seen out of the window........................Gotta go..........................

"Blue skies wating for me, nothing but blue skies do I see"

THE No Help Service

Now I know it's Friday night and that I've had a wonderful week but I'm going to have a little moan. Poor Chris (Manda's other half) hurt his back playing football last weekend. He struggled on manfully for the rest of the weekend but it didn't improve. He really needed to see a doctor so on Monday morning he tried to phone for an appointment. The system at the surgery is that you have to phone at 8am in order to get an appointment for that day; you cannot phone to make an appointment in advance. Therefore EVERYBODY who wants to see a doctor is naturally hitting their dial button as soon as 8am comes round before the surgery runs out of appointments. When Chris finally got to speak to the receptionist all the appointments were filled. He asked if he could make an appointment for the next day......OH NO...he would have to try again at 8am the NEXT morning and hope to get through in time. No luck Tuesday either...by now he is in agony and his back shows no sign of improvement. So "taking the bull by the horns" he struggled into town and presented himself at the surgery and told the receptionist he was willing to sit there all day if he needed to but wanted to see a doctor. NO LUCK!... he said "What if I come down here at 8am tomorrow will you give me an appointment then?". NO...he would have to phone. Wednesday and Thursday he went through the same routine of phoning with no luck and then going into town and calling into the surgery again! Finally today...no doubt they are sick of seeing him...the receptionist has agreed to book him an appointment for NEXT TUESDAY!!!!!!!

I know we should be grateful that we have a National Health Service; we are one of the few countries that do I believe.....but honestly.....is this the way to run it!!!

Ironically enough one of my Blogfriend's mother had to go into hospital this week. It was expected that she would be out the same day but the hospital decided to keep her in overnight...that's fair enough but then the doctor didn't turn up to discharge her so she was stuck in there another day!! Yet the NHS are always moaning that they are short of beds!

It reminds me so much of when Mick went and had his biopsy. All he wanted to do was come home after we heard the news that nothing could be done. He was so frightened that he was going to die in hospital ....he wanted to be at home with me, the family and sitting in his beloved garden. I went everyday and stayed with him for every second of the visiting times. We would go and sit outside for most of the time...he only had to go back to the ward for his meals and to sleep. We often thought of doing a "runner"! After a week Mick was on the verge of discharging himself when finally the doctor said he could come home the next day. I was over there ready to get him home but then we had to wait until gone 5pm until "somebody" would write his drug prescription. I'll never forget that moment when he walked through the front door so HAPPY!!! As it was Mick only had a further two weeks before he started to loose his speech and physical abilities. How I regret that wasted week he had in that hospital when he was well and fit and away from his little paradise..................

Our garden May 2005

Right deep breath Ruth....end of whinge...

DirtyButter; my very own Sherlock Holmes, has now found out that there is an artist called Libby Moore; if she is the Libby that is Greg's wife it's possible that Henry (the artist) was really a friend of hers. DB has emailed two galleries that sold some of her paintings. There was even one on eBay, but the seller is no longer a registered user, so she has been unable to contact them. She is such an angel with all she is doing.....I feel more hopeful each day as she unravels more of the mystery. She suggested that it may be an idea to put a photo of Mick, as he would have looked around the time of the painting, on my original post. I've done this and shall repeat it here.

MICK

NEEDLES AND PAINS AND A NICE SURPRISE

Had a text from Steve last night to say that poor Lynn's not well at all. He asked if it was ok to keep her at home instead of her coming to see us......bless him....he is so good about the fact that every other weekend he is left on his own (well he has Max their dog with him) while Lynn comes down to see her Dad. I know a lot of husbands would have got a bit fed up by now of their wife disappearing all the time but he never complains. He does come down himself sometimes but it's difficult making Max have the journey so regularly plus, being the handyman he is, there are so many DIY jobs that he needs to do in their own house. Lynn always says that she is better off down here when he has a project on as he likes to work alone but I know he must miss her.
I guess I'll have to eat all that cauliflower cheese I made for lunch myself as Mick doesn't like it much.........I'm not complaining about that!!!!

Manda and Nicole went to the doctors about their throat problems. Manda found out that her doctor retired 7 years ago....shows how long it's been since she last went to the surgery! It seems that both she and Nicole have tonsillitis and poor Manda has an inner ear infection as well... the doctor said he was surprised that she'd been managing to carry on! I think she's glad now that she went as it was getting her down feeling so tired and off colour all the time. The doc's given them both some antibiotics so hopefully they'll feel better soon.
I must tell you the story that Manda told us about the son of one of the women who works at the school. He is due to see the dentist soon and has an absolute phobia about needles. His mother had to take him to the doctors for a check up as he'd recently had an operation on his legs. Knowing the problem she was going to have with him at the dentists (if he had to have an injection) she asked the doctor if he could think of anything that she could do to relax him a little before he went. The doctor suggested.............

now wait for it

.................ACUPUNCTURE...................

FOR SOMEONE WHO IS AFRAID OF NEEDLES!!!!

What is the medical profession coming too?

Dirty Butter has kindly sent me some information re; the problem with Mick's wheelchair so I shall be looking into them. More about that at a later date.

I'll end this post with some really exciting news; last night when Chris said "Hello" to Mick.....Mick said "HELLO" back. We were stunned; Mick hadn't been in a particularly awake mode..........and went straight back to sleep afterwards. There's just no explanation as to why he suddenly will say something.........but all the time he does it lifts all our spirits.

THE MAN FROM GREAT CORNARD SAY..........

What a fabulous morning it has been. Mick woke up and seemed very alert; it was not my imagination as Manda commented on it when she popped in on her way to work. Mick drank all his tea and ate all his porridge; first time for quite a while. As I was so thrilled I started singing one of his little ditties to him, "Your a Star, Your a Star.." and MICK SANG "GREAT BIG TITS AND A SEE THROUGH BRA"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I honestly thought I was dreaming; I literally pinched myself as I choked back my tears of happiness. The last time this happened was back in November last year....and strangely enough it was when I sang exactly the same song! I have been "all over the place" since then; I really don't know if I'm "coming or going" such is the state of euphoria I am in. I did somehow manage to text the girls and tell them the exciting news...they are so THRILLED. Although I'm always happy to hear Mick say ANYTHING the fact that he SANG and sang something FUNNY makes it all the more special because it tells me that HE IS HAPPY!!!!!

Now on a more serious note; I always try and keep away from the subjects of religion, politics and general world news on my posts unless it specifically pertains to our situation; today, however, I'm going to break that rule and share with you a story that is in the news in England at the moment.

Dying woman begged for food, inquest told· NHS staff dispute claim 91-year-old was starved· Inquest hears she was not fed for 4 days in hospital

Lee Glendinning

Tuesday January 9, 2007 The Guardian

A 91-year-old grandmother left in hospital for four days without food or fluids had begged to be given a beetroot sandwich, some macaroni cheese and a cup of tea shortly before she died, an inquest heard yesterday.
The family of Olive Nockels, a former school matron from Holt, Norfolk, say she had asked them if she could have something to eat and drink, although this is disputed by doctors and nurses at the Norfolk and Norwich University hospital.
Mrs Nockels had been receiving fluids containing dextrose after being admitted to the hospital on September 14 2003 following a stroke, the inquest in Norwich heard. But doctors decided to stop when she developed an oedema - a build-up of excess fluid in her body - and became "waterlogged", leaking fluid from her arms, trunk and legs.
Two attempts were made to fit Mrs Nockels with a tube to feed her through her nose , but she became distressed and the efforts were abandoned.
Between October 2 and October 6, 2003, she went without any food or fluids, the inquest heard.
Her grandson, Chris West, obtained a high court injunction ordering the treatment to be reinstated, but it was overturned the next day when a hospital consultant expressed concern to the judge.
In a statement to the court, Mr West said: "It was around this time that they said my grandmother's quality of life was so poor, that they shouldn't intervene, and [should] let her die. They said there was nothing they could do for her.
"I was not willing to accept that. You do not let someone die just because [you] think it's best for them."
Mrs Nockels died four days after the high court ruling on October 10.
Mr West said that he had a conversation with a doctor in which he said: "How my grandmother is being treated - not getting any fluids or food - I would not treat my dog like that." The doctor allegedly replied: "Vets have got more power than doctors." The doctor has denied this.
A consultant geriatrician, Brian Payne, hd examined Mrs Nockels. He told the inquest that he was not aware of her having asked for food. She seemed confused when he asked simple questions, and when he broached the possibility of a feeding tube, she did not respond - apart from telling him to go away. "When I asked her whether she realised she would die, or whether she wished to die, or was ready to die, she made no response," he said. "I felt I was looking at a 91-year-old lady who was exceptionally frail with multiple disabilities, and I thought she was dying."
In a statement previously handed to the coroner, Mrs Nockels' daughter, Ivy West, said that when the hospital stopped feeding her mother through tubes, her mother had made an impassioned plea. "She said 'Help, help me, help me please.' They weren't feeding her or giving her any drink. I think she knew what was going on." The inquest continues.

Now I know this poor lady was bound to die. I am in a similar situation with Mick. He has terminal brain cancer with no possibility of recovery....I have no choice but to accept that fact. He may well meantime contract pneumonia or some other illness in the meantime and die..................I have no choice but to accept that fact. However, as long as I have breath in my body he WILL NOT DIE OF STARVATION OR DEHYDRATION! My heart goes out to the family of Mrs Nockels' and I hope they can find some peace. In this day and age no one should have to die in pain and suffering and I fully support anyone's "RIGHT TO DIE"; but they die in PEACE AND CONTENTMENT. It makes me wonder whether this attitude of the NHS is why it took 6 months for anyone to tell me about "Thick and Easy" and a further 3 months before I was told that the Hyoscine Patches existed when Mick was having so much trouble swallowing.

That said I shall now go and put back on my all singing, all dancing hat and enjoy the rest of this very special and memorable day.

MORE THIS AND THAT!

I was looking through the comments this morning and came upon one by Milestones. I am flattered MS that you should think me capable of knowing about shutter speeds etc. Actually I'm just a click and hope for the best photographer. Honestly MS it WAS a strange moon last night. I'm not the only one to think so. As I locked up for the night I saw this chap outside with a torch looking up at the moon. I popped my head out of my front door to say "Good evening"; I think he may have a bad cold like mine as I couldn't really understand what he said back to me. Sounded a bit like "Nanoo Nanoo". He did kindly pose for this photo for me though.


Living such an insular life I hadn't realised how popular the "Miss Haversham Look" had become. As I'm posting so many photographs of the interior of our house I thought I'd better do a little research to make sure that I'm getting the "LOOK" right. I was pleased to find that Larry Lenny Boeing 747 in his new book "21st Century Chic" had written a WHOLE chapter on "The Haversham Home". This paragraph in particular caught my eye;


"It is very important to remember to "ring the changes" with the passing of each season. A few scattered flower petals in the Spring help to define the season. In the Winter the whole look can be emphasised by a light dusting of snow across shelves, windowsills and ornaments. This dusting should become heavier as the days pass so that by Christmas the effect is one of a heavy snow laden home. Until you have seen the twinkling of fairy lights reflected on a snow covered garland or snowman ornament you have not lived."

That's good to know isn't it. And if it's good enough for the King of Curly Kews it's good enough for me!!!!

I'm pleased to say Mick slept very well last night. The choking fit abated quickly once I'd put the new patch on. MS has asked if there is a limit on the length of time they can be used for. To be honest, although I've looked into it, there is no defined limit as most people would only be using them short term whilst travelling. My attitude at the moment is very much "Quality is better than Quantity". As the use of them is at the present making Mick's life less stressful then I shall go on using them as long as the doctor is willing to prescribe them.

It's going to be a busy day as Leanne and co are coming over to stay the night. Teresa (ex daughter-in-law; lovely girl) is also popping in; unfortunately JJ and Dulcie (two more of our grandchildren) are with their Dad this weekend so she can't bring them. It will be nice to see Teresa though, and her new husband Steve and we will make arrangements to see the children another time. We now have 3 Steves in the family; everyone of them a truly lovely person. In years past we have always had our FIRST mince pie of Christmas when we've visited Teresa. Hopefully she's not had any yet this year and we will be able to repay the tradition.

PRESENT AND UNPLEASANT NEWS

At last I have finished clearing space for the Christmas ornaments; they are all laying on one of the spare beds upstairs waiting to be put in place. I'm still worried I won't have enough room but there is no way I could choose some to go out and some to not.

I remember so well the first time I put up the Christmas decorations after meeting Mick. I sent him down the pub (he's a good lad and didn't argue!) and got on with the task in hand. Manda came and helped me. We drank plenty of brandies and coke while we were doing it, and sang along to a Richard Clayderman tape. I know it's piano music but after a few brandies it's easy to make up words - our favourite is "My lamb chop's got no mint sauce". The decorations looked fantastic. We didn't have so many Christmas ornaments in those days but the ceiling was covered in criss cross garlands with Christmas hangers draping down. The tree was beautiful covered in baubles and lights and we had lots of Christmassy flower arrangements in vases. Mick came home and CRIED; he was so emotional; he said he had never seen anything so beautiful and since then it has become a family tradition for Mick to go down the pub while I do the decorations. Sadly last year, as it will be this year, Mick won't be able to go to the pub; but I shall tell him to keep his eyes tightly shut - no peeking - until I have finished.

This is the Christmas cracker Nicole has made Mick and I. A blue end for Mick and a pink end for me. Manda is getting the children at school to make some for the School Christmas Fayre and so Nicole has been experimenting and making a prototype.

I finally got around to getting some presents wrapped today. I gave Mick his Monday morning pamper, shave etc. and he sat in his armchair as I did the wrapping. It gave me a chance to go through all the presents we have bought and tell him what is for who. The sun was streaming through the window so I had to put Micks' sunglasses on him!

Unfortunately I'm coughing and sneezing a lot but thankfully Mick seems to be doing well; I just wish I could get him to drink more. Although he is not choking so much now he still seems reluctant to drink. He is eating well though so I am trying to make sure he has extra milky porridge, soups and liquidy desserts to try and prevent him becoming even more dehydrated. This evening he quite happily chewed away at the pasty I'd made; I only cut it up into bitesize pieces; no mashing or pureeing.

An unfortunate piece of news. My friend Sue's son-in-law is back in hospital. He was having really bad headaches and feeling sick. His wife phoned the doctor who told her to get some strong painkillers from the chemist - I think considering his recent medical history that the doctor should have at least come out to see him!!! He tried the painkillers but still became increasingly worse. After 2 or 3 phone calls a doctor finally condescended to come out and after checking him over immediately called an ambulance to get him to hospital!!! Even that's not the end of the tale - he then had to wait over 4 HOURS for the ambulance to come!!! The hospital are going to do some more tests - hopefully.

EVENTFUL EVENTS

It has been a tough day today. Just after midnight this morning Mick started coughing and sneezing. This wasn't a mucus build up cough; it was far more chesty than that. My poor darling coughed and sneezed for nearly two hours and he became so red and flushed. There has been a spate of coughs and colds around lately and I had felt it hovering it the background as far as my own health is concerned. It worried me to hear Mick coughing like this. After coughing and choking for so many months it is obvious that some fluids or food particles will have got into his lungs. A chest infection could be imminent. All the coughing had made him open his bowels and it was difficult cleaning him up and at the same time sorting out his coughing. I was slapping on the bacterial handwash; moving from one end to other and went through almost a whole pack of baby wipes. Then it was a good soapy wash and a complete bed change. He really puts up with so much.

I managed to get a little Beechams syrup down him between coughs and about 2am he settled a little and fell asleep. I then had to make sure I got the hoist sheet washed and dried. We are only allowed two and I didn't want to risk being without a dry one in the morning just in case we had another overflow. I'm glad I did as at 5am Mick woke up again and we went through the whole scenario again. His poor throat must feel so sore. It is such a shame that just as we had almost got the mucus under control; that he should come down with a cold. Mick drifted in and out of sleep for the next couple of hours. I tried to get him to eat a little porridge but he just wasn't interested -very unusual. He still seemed to be very flushed and, with a weekend coming up and having past experience of the difficulty of getting a doctor to come out on a Saturday or Sunday, I phoned the surgery and asked for a home visit. Unbelievably (a first I think) the receptionist said she would get the doctor to come out TODAY!

Mick slept quite peacefully during the morning; he must have been worn out! I quickly finished getting the rooms ready for Leanne and co; pre-made a meat loaf for dinner and a bakewell tart and in a flash it was lunchtime. As it was I needn't of done so much as Leanne phoned this afternoon to say that Kirsty (who hadn't been very well during the week) was still feeling rough and Melissa had come home from school complaining of being sick. She felt, and I agreed, that they would leave their visit until next weekend when (hopefully) the girls and Mick will be feeling better. Lynn's coming tomorrow so guess what we will have for lunch? That's right - meatloaf and bakewell tart.
I went off on a bit of a tangent there didn't I? But I am tired so forgive me. Where had I got to.............Lunchtime. Mick managed to eat some rice pudding at lunchtime and had just finished it when the doctor arrived. It was a locum doctor............(a quick aside here for the ladies - very dishy he was too!). Luckily Manda was here to help me sit Mick forward so that the doctor could listen to his back and chest. I must say, considering the doctor was not fully conversant with our situation he was VERY tactful in the way he discussed things with me. He explained that because there was a lot of liquid gurgling round Mick's chest it was difficult to say if he had got an infection or not but ------this is definitely a first----------in his opinion I would be the one who would be most aware of changes in Micks cough,condition etc and so he would go by my evaluation! He prescribed some antibiotics to be on the safe side.

Mick was very hungry come dinner time and I felt so sorry for him trying to eat and cough at the same time. It took a long time but he managed it.

Sleeping peacefully at the moment so shall keep my fingers crossed that he has a good night. After only an hours sleep myself last night I'm feeling pretty dozy my self so I'll ZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

TONGUE IN CHEEK!

This afternoon a speech therapist came to see Mick. Although Mick doesn't need speech therapy as such it was thought that she may help with ideas re his swallowing and choking. Well how on earth I have managed over the last 18 months without the information she gave me I do not know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

• First of all she explained to me that the Thick and Easy that we had been using for 6 months has to be used as per THE INSTRUCTIONS ON THE TIN!!!!! Now why didn't I think of that!
  
• She then showed me how to measure200 mls of liquid into a jug (like it says on the tin) and how to add 2 level scoops of powder to the liquid (like it says on the tin) . She had already visited a number of patients before coming to us; so she showed me how to make sure that the scoopful is LEVEL. What you do is you take a finger from your unwashed hands and scrape off the excess Thick and Easy so that the scoop is level. I realised straight away that I had been doing this incorrectly as I always WASH my hands before preparing Mick's food or drinks.
  
• Despite the fact that she had pointed the instructions on the tin out to me and showed me how to follow them; she was kind enough to write it all out in large letters on a piece of paper; she says that she will also get this typed up and send me a copy. How kind of her!

• She then explained to me that there is a thing called a blender that I could use to puree Mick's food up with. Wonder of wonders! Do these things really exist!!!!!!!!!!
  
• It also seems; and I am sure she is right; that it is possible to MASH POTATOES!!!!! Is there no end to the knowledge she was imparting! She said that I could do this with an item called a POTATO MASHER or failing that with a FORK!!!!!!!!!!!!
  
• It seems it is also very important to remove bones from meat and fish. Now I THINK I may have heard that somewhere before!
  
• A kitchen item, called a SIEVE, can be used for straining lumps out of things.
  
• It is a good idea to be sitting up when eating. What a handy tip. I hope you're all taking notes.
  

Now I'm sure there was something else.................. What was it?......................I'm sure it was important........................ THAT'S IT...............I REMEMBER NOW!

IF MICK IS CHOKING STOP GIVING HIM FOOD UNTIL HE HAS STOPPED CHOKING !!!!!!!!!!!

Hang on a second while I take my tongue out of my cheek; it's starting to make ME CHOKE!

Now I know that the intentions were good and possibly all these things may be a help to some people some of the time; but honestly.................WORDS JUST FAIL ME...............

I think I shall start a book; all about USELESS INFORMATION.

OOPS! Too late.............It's already been done!

HIGH AND HIGHER

I AM ON SUCH A HIGH...............
TODAY HAS GOT BETTER AND BETTER.............................

Mick has now spoken FOUR times today.

1. this morning (see previous post)


2. at lunch time; he had a massive fart (excuse the indelicacy of this) and I joked "I'll name that tune in......................" and he said "ONE!"


3. when Manda came round to help with his kitchenshower he said "HELLO!" to her


4. when Leanne was speaking to him on the phone he said "YES!"

I really hope that the doctor will allow us to have more of the patches as it is quite possible that these wondrous words are due to the fact that

• he is now able to drink more, therefore becoming less dehydrated


• he is breathing easier, therefore more oxygen is getting to his brain


• because he is not choking it up, he is getting more benefit from the steroids he has to take
  

Of course it may be nothing to do with the patches; it may just be one of those miraculous days. Even if tomorrow things go back to normal it must be so much less stressful to him (and me) not to be choking all the time.

A feel good photo. Melissa and Grandad. Mel's t-shirt says "That's it I'm calling Grandad!"