Monday, June 04, 2007

SMALL CHANGE

I'm not happy with this blog anymore; when Mick was alive even when we were having bad days I would blog and before I knew it the gloom would turn to sunshine. Lately this hasn't been happening...I don't know if it can again. I don't want to close it completely; it acts as a memorandum during my battle with the Benefits Agencies and assorted creditors....who I rang, when I rang, what I/they said etc. But I don't want it to turn into the pathetic ramblings of a miserable woman and I know I'm getting lower and lower each day.....Hopefully at some point I'll turn the corner. At the moment I'm seeking the proverbial "light at the end of the tunnel"; trying desperately to actually look forward to something........I'm searching in my own Pandora's Box...trying to find HOPE but at the moment it's alluding me. I know I can still laugh...I've read quite a few blogpals posts lately that have made me laugh out loud...but the laughter soon fades...snuffed out by the sorrow within me.

I've been doing daily posts for a long time now; each day with Mick was precious..............I'm posting today about my calls to B.D.C. and the benefits office and I'll probably post about the CAB appointment on Thursday.....but there will be days in between...days like yesterday when I've been gardening, walking, reading, taking photographs....these are days that belong on my M.M.L.M.G. blog....all that would be left for this blog is the emotional turmoil I'm going through....no fun to read and no fun to write. So from now on my regular posts will be on my "garden" blog and I'll just stick to "business" here..............

Well that's the theory...only time will tell if it works in practice.

Right now to the phone calls; by some miracle it only took 15 minutes to speak to Babergh District Council about the Rent and Council Tax I've been told I have to pay...the lady I spoke to was very nice, she is deferring the decision for now....once/IF I do get the £87p.w. Bereavement Allowance I'll have to make the payments up but at least for now they won't be attempting to take Direct Debits out of my bank account...which would result in non-payment due to insufficient funds AND a hefty great bank charge because payment was refused!

The Bereavement Allowance Office wasn't a lot of help...they agree that my Carer's Allowance has now ceased but my paperwork is with the "DECISION MAKER'S" and so they are unable to tell me WHEN or IF I will receive any money. They did say I should get a decision SOON but were unable to define exactly when SOON would be.

I'm still unable to get any further re the £109 in Mick's bank account....the Bank has a "back-log" it seems and so as yet are unable to help re: WHEN/IF/HOW I can gain access to that.

I've filled the form in that I received from one of Mick's Credit Card Companies...there is a long list of things they need to know re: ASSETS...stocks and shares, motor vehicle, property and the such like..the only thing that was relevant was that £109 in his bank account..........that was rather outweighed by the figure I had to put in the LIABILITIES column...which included Funeral Expenses.

To end this post on a bright note...Jenny finished her Triathlon on Saturday... I was so pleased for her. This week is going to be an energetic week for another couple of blogpals too.....Julie (CG) who is a regular commenter/supporter on my blogs is doing her Race For Life on Wednesday evening (can't believe they do an evening run in Chester...that's when I'd be wanting to put my feet up!) and AuntieNoo is doing hers on Saturday...bet they're glad I won't be there videoing there "warm-ups" like I did with Kim!

I saw this on Claire's Blog and just had to have one myself......please feel free to share it.....

14 visitors have commented:

Mousie said...

Ruth darling, if you don't feel like writing , don't do it...there're your other blogs, and beneath your sorrow you must find the new Ruth who will slowly emerge...be confident ...it takes time to heal...you will one day...Mick will still be in our memories don't worry...
Take care love
Mousie

Sheila said...

Do what feels right dear Ruth.
But ~ if it means bottling up your feelings that's no good.By all means, post them if it helps you. I for one would still visit, you have had more than your share of difficulties since losing Mick, and if all you posted was rosy fluffy stuff, none of us would buy it.
The next few months will not be easy, but we are all here.
Just let us know how you are..?
please..
love Sheila
xox

Akelamalu said...

I can understand you really must be feeling as though you're banging your head on the wall, I just hope it all gets sorted out very soon for you. I will read your other blog but will still pop in here for updates on your trial and keep my fingers crossed for you. x

lynnie said...

Hi mum

Well done for at least getting the Council Tax deferred - there are some reasonable people out there!! Sending you big hugs and just remember we are here xxxx Don't know what else to say but I totally agree with Mousie and Sheila - you do what you want to do and we are all here - love you loads xx

Shaz said...

Sorry I've missed your posts fgor a few days. Even through all your heart ache & Benefit fiascos you've had warmth & love in this blog & that's why I keep poppin' back in. Now I'll just have to pop-in to two blogs. You can't get rid of us that easy . . .lol BIG Dane Hugs x x x

Shaz said...

PS If you hear from Claire tell her to gbet to an internet cafe fast . . .we are missing her x x

Mike M said...

Great blog!! I will be back for more!!
-0-0-

Audrey said...

I cant add anymore to whats already been said Ruth other than A MILLION STORIES IN THE NAKED CITY, will always hold a special place in my heart,I will continue to visit.........{{{{{Hugs}}}}]

CG said...

Just do what feels right Ruth; you have to cope with your feelings the best way you can HUGS xxxx

RUTH said...

There will still be posts...I've a long way to go yet...they just may not be everyday.
{{HUGS}} to you all
Rx

Blue the Spa Girl said...

Please be sure to let me know where you blog from now on, Ruth!! You would be terribly missed. Maybe start fresh with a new blog, just paste a link from this one so you don't have to erase this one.
I think of Mick often too, I never ever met him only through you. Your stories and memories are inspirational. But you can't help how you feel. I hope you get through this okay....!!!
xoxoxo

RUTH said...

Blue; You'll find me on my Me, My Life, My Garden blog...and I'll still be posting here...I'm sure I've still plenty of rants (and tears) to share.
Rx

Icarus said...

Ruth, rea.....[THIS is when your mail arrrived 10 mins ago!!!)You've seen my reply.
Here, I want to add that although this is the "window", I feel like we've gone beyond this, deeper.
So whatever you feel you must do, or decide you want to do, it is absolutely fine by me.
I can go play with the kid who sent me the death-threat instead, lol! (YES, folks, it's true. Even that can be part of a blogger's life!).
Nothing matters more than your well-being. That's it.

SXXXXXXXXX

Auntie Noo said...

Thanks for the mention of the raceforlife. I'll be thinking of you.. and Mick....

SO sorry you're having such a rough time.. It's not like it isn't hard enough without all this extra c**p. Hope the CAB are some help today. {{{hugs}}}