MY NEW MANTRA
One of my dearest friends Icarus is writing his Flames of Eden blog as an open but personal diary in which he is relating the events of his life that brought him to his present tenuous position. In his latest post he quoted from Tennyson's "Ulysses" and emailed me telling me to take special note of these words,
"Tho' much is taken, much abides; and tho'
We are not now that strength which, in old days,
Moved earth and heaven; that which we are, we are;
One equal temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find, and NOT TO YIELD!".
A much longer mantra than "Força" but words that I must remember. I had to go to the doctors on Monday; it was a locum and so I had to try an explain my "problems" at the moment.....it was a difficult visit....having to speak to a stranger about how I'm feeling brought me to tears...however my "weakness" (for want of a better word) actually did me a favour as she signed me off from work for a further 4 months. Hopefully this will take the pressure off of me for an appointment I have tomorrow. I have been summoned by our local Job Centre to discuss arrangements for my finding a job......even though I'm signed off from work I still have to attend or they say they will cease my Bereavement Benefit......I know that whatever my resolve I'm going to end up in tears and am already feeling quite sick at the thought of sitting discussing my future with yet another stranger. It's ironic really; because I am signed off from work I should be able to receive Incapacity Benefit which would increase my current income of £58 ....however because I was caring for Mick the National Insurance contributions I was credited as a Carer were at the lower rate which means I don't qualify. I know I'm lucky to live in a country where ANY financial help is available but I'm saddened to think that Carer's are being penalised for CARING!
7 visitors have commented:
Although we do have a great benefits system it does sadly let down the 'genuine' people who need help. I'm glad the doctor has given you more time to 'gather' yourself Ruth. I'll be thinking of you at that appointment and praying that you get a sympathetic ear m'dear. xx
A powerful Mantra Ruth, very apt and meaningful. Im so pleased you have been given some more time and space but sadened you have to go through these processes and interviews,its all seems so uneccessary and there is a great injustice when carers as you say are penalised for caring, we are fortunate to have a benefits system but at times it beggars belief the red tape and rules for qualifying.
Strength for tommorrow, you will be in my thoughts xx Auds
Many thanks to you both for your support.
Rx
The Tennyson quote is very apt. I'm so sorry you have to continually deal with these bureaucratic situations that are stressful. I'm thinking of you...hope all goes well at the next appointment.
After yesterday's mysterious goings-on stopping me entering the blog, it is working again.
Now it is rather too late, because I guess you're home again. But if I had been here yetserday, I would have said 2 things to you in respnse to the apprehensions of today's visit.
First, we should change one of those words in that last line (I'm sure Tennyson would have accepted, even if it did ruin his rigid iambic pentameter!, LOL. A syllable can do so much). let's change "not" to "NEVER to yield!".
Second, I wish I could have told you to just keep telling yourself, all the way there, and if you are upset or hurt by what they are saying, just the "Ulysses". You don't have to learn it all. The title will do all the job, to remind you to hold on tight, look them back in the eye and assert to them, "I'm not nobody; I'm not just another number. I'm RUTH JENNER!!! And you can't walk all over me!".
Too late for today. But not too late for whatever next time might be coming.
A sackful of 'em:SXxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I missed this post and poem somehow. It is powerful. Good mantra. You are emotionally raw. Forgive yourself, be who you are (can't help it anyhow, right?). Love to you.
i'm so sorry for their blindness. you are so right, and you should be supported for your wonderful heart and agonizing heartbreak.
it will work out, you'll see..
{{hugz}}
k
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