I don't write here much about how I'm feeling it's just all too depressing and I do my best to switch off and think about something else when the "Blues" hit; as they invariably do. Today though I got extra upset...and why?...because I cancelled our Lottery Subscription. Yes I know it sounds silly and it had to be done..I really can't afford it anymore...but it was as though I was losing another memory and turning my back on a chance to live one of our dreams. The chances of winning the lottery are VERY remote but in the past, for a few moments each Wednesday and Saturday night Mick and I could dream...till the WRONG numbers came up that is! We never really expected to become fully fledged millionaires...we just wanted enough to buy a small cottage with plenty of land, start up a nursery and help the family. I still each week as the numbers are drawn hear Mick's voice in my head saying "I'm just a Jenner; but win me a tenner!" and remember well all our "fantasy" talks about what we'd do if we won. But as I say, it had to be done. I'm hoping to get a place on a Higher Education Teaching, Humanities and Social Sciences course...even with concessions for my low income I've got to pay out quite a wodge...and I've not yet had permission from my landlady to have a water meter installed so still forking out a sixth of my income on my water bill.
I have a meeting on Tuesday to find out what the course entails. I'm really nervous but have to do something to give me more options when I try to find a job. I'm hoping that it will also give me the chance to meet new people and learn to interact with the public again. I may even have a few conversations about things that DON'T upset me. At the moment most of my chats with the outside world are with the DHSS, doctors, CAB or debt collectors.........not particularly enjoyable. I just hope everyone's as friendly as they are in Blogworld.
Now I just need to FORGET our lottery numbers the way I forget where I've put my glasses!!!!!!!