TURNING MY BACK ON LADY LUCK
I don't write here much about how I'm feeling it's just all too depressing and I do my best to switch off and think about something else when the "Blues" hit; as they invariably do. Today though I got extra upset...and why?...because I cancelled our Lottery Subscription. Yes I know it sounds silly and it had to be done..I really can't afford it anymore...but it was as though I was losing another memory and turning my back on a chance to live one of our dreams. The chances of winning the lottery are VERY remote but in the past, for a few moments each Wednesday and Saturday night Mick and I could dream...till the WRONG numbers came up that is! We never really expected to become fully fledged millionaires...we just wanted enough to buy a small cottage with plenty of land, start up a nursery and help the family. I still each week as the numbers are drawn hear Mick's voice in my head saying "I'm just a Jenner; but win me a tenner!" and remember well all our "fantasy" talks about what we'd do if we won. But as I say, it had to be done. I'm hoping to get a place on a Higher Education Teaching, Humanities and Social Sciences course...even with concessions for my low income I've got to pay out quite a wodge...and I've not yet had permission from my landlady to have a water meter installed so still forking out a sixth of my income on my water bill.
I have a meeting on Tuesday to find out what the course entails. I'm really nervous but have to do something to give me more options when I try to find a job. I'm hoping that it will also give me the chance to meet new people and learn to interact with the public again. I may even have a few conversations about things that DON'T upset me. At the moment most of my chats with the outside world are with the DHSS, doctors, CAB or debt collectors.........not particularly enjoyable. I just hope everyone's as friendly as they are in Blogworld.
Now I just need to FORGET our lottery numbers the way I forget where I've put my glasses!!!!!!!
12 visitors have commented:
oh Ruth, it must be hard to let go of those dreams and I could just imagine how good you'd be running a nursery..you know more about plants than anyone else I know.
I hope the course opens doors for you in lots of ways and I'll be cheering you.
HUGS xxx
Aw honey letting go of another little bit of your life with Mick must be soooo hard.
But, you are looking forward now and the course you're looking into could be just the thing to take you there. xx
big hug. maybe the studies will fulfil another kind of dream..... a new beginning, new friends, new skills, new career...and turn out to be a blessing, even though deep down you don't want it to all be new, just the way it was.
CG; Akelamula and Suzi-k; thanks so much for your support. It seemed so silly to get so upset at something so trivial and it helped a little to blog it out of my system.
Rx
Something that holds so much meaning Ruth is never trivial. Im sure the Humanities and Social science course will be very interesting and just what you need. Hope the meeting goes well on Tuesday xxx Auds
When they came out with the lottery here I played at first. After a year and not even winning $5 I figured fortune was simply not in my future. :-)
You hang in there. Ok, I've got to ask...what's a "wodge"?
Thanks Auds; hopefully it'll get the little grey cells ticking over again :o)
Gene; thanks for dropping by. A "wodge" is a large chunk of something as in "he ate a wodge of cake" or the thief stuffed wodges of banknotes in his bag :o)
HUGS!
Sorry you had to do it Ruth.
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Oh gosh - I left my lottery comment on your other blog before reading this - I feel dreadful now that I have read that you have cancelled your twice weekly one.
I can truly understand how you feel - it is not so much as the money - but your fantasy dream conversations that we all have from time to time.
It must have felt like another 'kick'.
But on the positive side you are taking strides to making a career for yourself - and your course will open up a new world for you - I so look forward to reading how you get on.
You are doing brilliantly - really - and it is only natural that you get 'hiccups' along the way.
But you are getting stronger, I can 'feel' it and we truly admire you and your tenacity.
xxxx
Doing the lottery is not something I have any knowledge of, but quitting anything that you and Mick did together is bound to be hard on you. As for getting used to "talking to people", I'm sure you'll do just fine. Getting some training is bound to increase your job skills, so good for you. It's a shame you can't find work with a botanical garden or a nursery, though, as you have so many skills in that area.
We're recycling gray water here, because of the drought. Can you cut your water bill in any way by doing that? Things like flushing the toilet with water saved from the bath? Watering the garden with sink and laundry water? Or do you just pay a set amount to the landlord?
Thanks for stopping by my blog, and giving a word of encouragement, as always. Here's a wodge of a {{{{HUG}}} for you, dearie.
Thanks Claire and Lottie.....having a bit of the panic at the moment but sure I'll be ok once I meet everyone and please don't feel bad Lottie; I'll be rooting for you to win and then send begging letters...LOL
Dirty Butter; Sadly the only real garden centre/nursery near us is too far away for me to walk to and doesn't even have any pavements for pedestrians and our public transport doesn't go that way so even if they did have an opening it would be impossible for me to get there.
Re the way our water bills work.....if my landlady would agree to me having a water meter I could reduce my water costs but until/IF she does I have to pay a set amount to our Water Board...this is the same whether I use loads of water or very little
Wodges of {{HUGS}} back to you all.
Rx
Ruth, I'm glad you'll be saving the money but i can see that giving up yet another thing that you and Mick shared would be so painful! But your plans sound wonderful and productive - sometimes motion is the best cure for the blues! I hope your garden center dream can come true - that will give you such joy!
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