Sunday, July 15, 2007

JUST GETTING THINGS OUT OF MY SYSTEM

I've my next appointment with the Citizens Advice Bureau on Tuesday. Now that I know for sure what my income is I've got to take them my Expenditure Form.... I've hopefully decreased my gas and electricity costs as much as I can though it takes as much electricity to light a room for 1 person as it does for 2 and the winters will seem so much colder without someone to snuggle up to. My Orange mobile contract is finished next month so that will help but I'm really hoping they don't tell me I'll have to get rid of my landline as well. My blogging is my social life and all the time my PC keeps limping along I want to limp along too...LOL
I'm trying to not let it get me down though....I'm trying to think of it as a challenge and remembering *Mr Micawbers advice.................well at least some of the time I feel like that but I do have my moments...too many of them...but the "in between" times...when I switch off the "sad" side of my brain and manage not to THINK......those are the times I'm OK. Had a horrible moment in town last week when someone I knew in passing didn't know about Mick......then of course they wanted the details......I just couldn't talk about it, made my apologies and walked away. Had a good sob in the public loos; not the most pleasant of places....and just came home.
I don't think about the ill Mick; I just remember the good times; I guess in a way that makes it worse as the good times were just SO GOOD!
Each post I do on this blog I think will be the last......it's my rant, moan and cry blog now...and I keep thinking "Right that's the last post...no more feeling sorry for myself"...but deep down I know I'll keep coming back here for a while. I keep telling myself..."BUCK UP....there's MILLIONS of people in this world who have terrible lives; including some of my blog pals"............but sometimes my heart just won't listen!!!!.........and yes I do get those "Is it all worth it?" moments......but then I think about how angry Mick would be with me thinking like that. It's just so difficult at the moment as I never know from minute to minute which way my emotions are going to turn.
Well if you've got this far through my moaning..... thanks for listening.......I feel much better now

THANKS


*Mr. Micawber (Charles Dickens' David Copperfield):
Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure nineteen nineteen six, result happiness. Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure twenty pounds ought and six, result misery.

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Audrey said...

Sending you a (((hug))) Ruth,your a brave and loving woman..and good luck for Tuesday xxx Auds

CG said...

Lots of hugs, dear Ruth xxx

Icarus said...

I am now thinking in the silence about how the button coped with the content of your post.And why isn't there another magic button to put it all right, all of it?
And Rod had to go "Sailing" without this Stewart yesterday. I'll let you know why.

This sort of stringency and self- means testing just seems too much.

Calamity Jane said...

I keep trying to write something but it sounds so trite. I hope you can feel this hug: Huhhhhhnnnnnnmmmmhhhhhhhhh!

Jenny said...

Ruth, for what it's worth, I don't think you need to buck up because other people's lives are so much worse - you have every right in the world to be exactly as sad and grieving as you are. You are brave, so you don't have to "be" brave - you can whine and snivel and mope for exactly as long and as much as you want!

Chris said...

I agree with the above comment, grieving is part of the healing process I guess and everyone is entitled to it. Sending you a hug and we are all here to listen :-)