Monday, June 18, 2007

Yesterday was such a difficult day; so many tears were shed. I felt such a terrible mother; I just wanted to cuddle the girls, wipe away their tears and make everything better. The cuddles and tear wiping were no problem but there is no way I can bring their Dad back. I think it shocked us all how lost and alone we all felt. We miss Mick everyday...why should yesterday seem any worse? For once even my "stiff upper lip" and "brave face" failed me.....I couldn't control my own grief so was poweless to help them with theirs. We tried to keep telling ourselves that Mick would be upset to see us so upset...and imagined what he would be saying to us. We managed some smiles but there were so many tears.
I feel like I failed yesterday..........................sorry girls......love Mum XXX

12 visitors have commented:

CG said...

Ruth, you could NEVER fail as a mum,or as anything. I know that. HUGS xxxx

Akelamalu said...

Ruth, it hurts when you lose someone you love, it's natural to cry and have an unbearable pain in your heart. It will take time but it will ease, when the time is right. ((hugs))

Claire said...

I am sorry you had to go through this so soon after losing Mick.
That grief is a bitch and i know in the future the girls are not going to get over losing Mick but hopefully it wont hurt as much on days like this. I don't think you could ever fail them.

Thinking of you as always.

Jacquie said...

You don't always have to be "the Strong one". You are all grieving equally, so you all have the right to show it equally especially on a special day like yesterday.

Sheila said...

Failed...! Never, you are a human being and a sensitive one, you would not have done what you did for the last two years otherwise.
Those are healing tears Ruth, don't fight them..
Hugs
xx

Blue the Spa Girl said...

Oh dear Ruth, how weird it would be if you didn't miss him and you didn't cry.
xo

Gledwood said...

Ruth how the bloody hell did you fail?

Honestly!

I don't know whether to hug you or slap you!

Come on, seriously now there's no point guilt tripping. We all could have done different things a little better or differently I know that but how have you let anyone down? Come on Ruth!!

I'm sending a hug & I'll even do that asterisks thing

here you are:-

***hugs***
!!

Gled
xx

RUTH said...

Thanks all...feel a bit better now...I'm just so used to "coping" it's throwing me a bit all this "going to pieces".
Have appreciated all the cyberhugs
Rx

Shaz said...

You've never failed any of your family Ruth. All you did yesterday was allow them to share the grief you are feeling. Your grief is their grief & between you you will survive with the memories of love x x

Audrey said...

I was once told it is the 'falling apart' that holds us together, didnt understand what the person meant until much later....You didnt fail anyone Ruth, you saw a very difficult painfilled day through together..

Thinking of you all xx

Mauigirl said...

No harm in expressing your feeligs - as others have so eloquently said, there is no way you are failing by sharing grief together.

Suzi-k said...

being real with each other is not a failure! These milestone days like birthdays, chrismas etc are very difficult, i'm so glad you and the girls can be there for each other and get through them together!