Wednesday, April 11, 2007

N.H.S. (No Heart Service)


Well we got the Death Certificate...the powers that be have decided that Mick passed away on the 7th April despite the fact WE know and the Doctor who verified knows it was the 6th. It seems because of the fact we had to wait for over 2 hours before the Doctor came to see Mick and by then it was the early hours Saturday morning, that as far as his records are concerned that is the day he died. We are all very upset at this; we all felt that Mick had decided when it should be and waited until the end of a very special, happy family day...waited until the children had gone home...waited until he and I had our few special hours together. What ever the certificate says as far as we are concerned and what I shall tell anyone who asks is that the date of Mick's last journey was GOOD FRIDAY 6TH APRIL 2007. It upset me deeply; it felt as though that special day and special moment had been stolen from us by bureaucracy.
What made it worse was the insensitivity of our doctor when he phoned to tell me the certificate was ready. He told me to come to the surgery and pick it up and then said "Where's the BODY". Even just typing it brings tears to my eyes. There are a hundred ways he could have asked,...who's taking care of your husband?....which funeral director have you chosen?.....I'm sure you can think of another 98 ways without being so brutal and cruel. This is the same doctor who when Mick had terrible headaches, started to become incontinent, couldn't walk in a straight line without guidance, couldn't see clearly and felt permanently giddy told us that Mick had an ear infection....and continued to treat him for this despite continuous weekly appointments at his surgery. What a callous, cold blooded apology for a human being our doctor is.


My stress levels are rising and rising. I want to grieve and cry but I am so damned angry!!!!! I could accept feeling angry at losing Mick...that would be natural...a natural process of grief and loss; but my whole being is being eaten away by the anger I feel at this so called doctor and the whole of our local NHS.


It was so nice when Steve (Lynn's hubby) turned up, although the poor man must have thought he'd turned up into a war zone as Lynn and I were so stressed out......his big "man" cuddle made us both feel a lot better.


Still at least now we have been able to make an appointment with the registrar and the funeral directors for tomorrow and so by the end of Thursday we should feel a lot calmer as the NHS should by then be totally out of the system...providing of course that TWO doctors DO go to the funeral directors and grant permission for a cremation!!!!! It seems they have to certify that no "foul play" has taken place.....I think the only foul play involved was that done by the NHS!!!!


To help lower my stress levels and hopefully my blood pressure...the rate we are going I'll be needing to increase my own dosage!!!.......we went to a garden centre. One of my blogfriends, Julie, had sent me a lovely card which included some Garden Gift Vouchers so that I could buy something special for the garden....isn't that such a lovely thing to do!!!!!


Nothing "caught my eye"....I'll know when I see the "right" thing...but while we were there I thought I'd take advantage of having some car drivers about and picked up 4 bags of compost and 3 bags of shingle. These would be difficult things for me to buy and transport home.



Ha..Ha...no one knew I had my camera with me and don't know I took these shots!!!!..as I lingered behind them! A little bit of silliness and light relief!

I have had a phone call from the lady who will be conducting Mick's service...she will be coming to the house on Monday morning to talk about Mick, music and readings. I'll tell you more about that when the final decisions have been made.

Steve has now gone home (after a good roast lamb dinner) and Lynn and I have been round to Manda's house for a short while. It seemed so strange as although she only lives around the corner we haven't been able to get into her house due to the steepness of the steps. I'm finding my own "small steps" quite difficult...it doesn't seem the same without Mick.

It did mean, though, that I saw the Forsythia in bloom that Mick and I had given Manda some years ago.......she says it has never flowered as well as it has this year....very special.

And for the first time I have taken a sunset photo from a garden other than our own.............
I hope you are all enjoying the Easter Egg Hunt; only a few more clues to go!!!!!

20 visitors have commented:

mrsnesbitt said...

Ruth, sending you hugs and cuddles.
Meanwhile, back on the dog bed............something being planned for the bloody doctor!

Dxxxxxx

Jacquie said...

Again I am seething on your behalf!

Hope the arrangements for the service go more smoothly.

Audrey said...

Ruth your pain and upset is so understandable, words fail me other than your anger and hurt are appropriate given the gross level of insensitivity youve experienced.

Sending you extra (((hugs))) tonight, your in my thoughtsXXXAuds

Gene Bach said...

I'm very sorry to hear about your loss Ruth. I was not around this weekend and didn't read about what happened until I visited today.

Sheila said...

Your anger is totally understandable Ruth, partly due to the fact that event thought you were seething you probably remained polite to those you dealt with. Your sunset photo is great and I'm glad you made use of your 'helpers' while you had the chance.
Hugs
xx

Gledwood said...

What a horrible thing for a doctor to say... as for the dates, at the end of the day the Certificate IS just a piece of paper. YOU know what happened, that's all that really counts. Stealing time/feelings/security/etc.. seems to be all beaurocricy is good at. Take care Ruth, and, as the saying goes: "Don't let the bastards get you down"!!

Gledwood said...

... I would go on and on but I don't want to start swearing. I am SEETHING ON YOUR BEHALF...

Natalya said...

No words just great sadness at the appauling "service" you have received from your 'Doctors'.

Many {{{HUGS}}} and much love xxx

Gledwood said...

(like Jacquie)... OK well I'm sending you some cyberhugs down the line, did you get them? I would also send you a 1/4 pounder with cheese from our local kebbaberie but I shudder to picture the state it might be in once Parcelforce (those experts at playing Knock Down Ginger) had got their mitts all over it!..

Deb said...

Ruth, I just learned of Mick through gled's blog. I'm truly sorry for you...and then to have this unresolved anger - I can relate. The way Mom's case has been handled has been atrocious! She's fading fast in the hospice and we've been told it won't be long before things start shutting down.

You have been an inspiration to me...you are an angel in this world. God bless you for giving Mick dignity and things like sunshine on his face. There is a special place for people like you.

Have strength through those tough times. I'm sure many a tear will be shed in your garden, but hopefully many more smiles as memories come flooding back.

Love & hugs to you. And to Mick. XO

Stine said...

I'm so sorry for your loss, and for your predicament afterwards. Still - you and your family know what is right. Don't let "them" get to you...
And thanks for visiting. I don't know where you find the strength to, but thanks...

Libbys Blog said...

Oh Ruth I am so sorry I haven't been over. I can remember mum having similar problems but what she always said was get extra copies of the death certificate becuase you will definately need them! I'm sorry I wasn't here earlier to say!!! as I believe it is hard to get copies after!!

Sylvia said...

Ruth, you will always know the date no matter what anyone says or puts on a piece of paper. That is what is important. I believe the saying that "What goes around, comes around" and someday that doctor will get his due. {{{{Hugs to you and the family}}}}

Akelamalu said...

How can people be so insensitive at such a difficult time?

Jeanette said...

Dear Ruth, its hard to type with Tears in my eyesMy Deepest sympathy to your and your family.
What a Callous bastard that doctors is, I went through a simlar thing of hating Mum's Doctor.. wrapping my arms around you big ((((((HUGS))))))

CG said...

i am so hurt and angry on your behalf, Ruth. It's appalling.

I hope you find that special something for the vouchers soon :)

{{{HUGS}}}
Julie xx

Auntie Noo said...

It goes to prove that there is no "service" in the NHS any more! - I am angry for you, and the hundreds if not thousands like you. I do believe in Karma though, and this doctor will get his one day! Hopefully this is the last you will have to deal with them, and you can go on now building your happy memories and forgetting this nightmare.

Mousie said...

you're right to be angry, you must express this anger as much as you can and take it out of you...
these doctors are just nameless...
hold on little sister...hold on...
Today the swallows have arrived in my village...Spring is coming...peace has come for Mick and a new life is beginning for you all, He's looking over you...
love from mousie

Shaz said...

I'm so angry that you & your family have to endure incompetence of this level. {{{HUGS, HUGS & more HUGS}}}. I hope sharing has helped x x

Dirty Butter said...

I'm so sorry, Ruth, that you've had to deal with such horrible people and such needless bureaucracy! My Mama's death certificate has the wrong date on it for the same reason, but we didn't try to do anything about it. WE know what happened, and that was enough for me. But if it was important to you, I'm glad you were able to get it changed, as I see in a later post.

We're still bogged down in getting copies of the Death Certificate for Daddy, so most of what's left that I need to do is on hold until I can get it. I'm glad you can finally make the arrangements for Mick's funeral. I just can't even begin to imagine the added stress this long wait for the service is having on you and your family!

As always, you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Love,

Rosemary