N.H.S. (No Heart Service)

Well we got the Death Certificate...the powers that be have decided that Mick passed away on the 7th April despite the fact WE know and the Doctor who verified knows it was the 6th. It seems because of the fact we had to wait for over 2 hours before the Doctor came to see Mick and by then it was the early hours Saturday morning, that as far as his records are concerned that is the day he died. We are all very upset at this; we all felt that Mick had decided when it should be and waited until the end of a very special, happy family day...waited until the children had gone home...waited until he and I had our few special hours together. What ever the certificate says as far as we are concerned and what I shall tell anyone who asks is that the date of Mick's last journey was GOOD FRIDAY 6TH APRIL 2007. It upset me deeply; it felt as though that special day and special moment had been stolen from us by bureaucracy.

What made it worse was the insensitivity of our doctor when he phoned to tell me the certificate was ready. He told me to come to the surgery and pick it up and then said "Where's the BODY". Even just typing it brings tears to my eyes. There are a hundred ways he could have asked,...who's taking care of your husband?....which funeral director have you chosen?.....I'm sure you can think of another 98 ways without being so brutal and cruel. This is the same doctor who when Mick had terrible headaches, started to become incontinent, couldn't walk in a straight line without guidance, couldn't see clearly and felt permanently giddy told us that Mick had an ear infection....and continued to treat him for this despite continuous weekly appointments at his surgery. What a callous, cold blooded apology for a human being our doctor is.

My stress levels are rising and rising. I want to grieve and cry but I am so damned angry!!!!! I could accept feeling angry at losing Mick...that would be natural...a natural process of grief and loss; but my whole being is being eaten away by the anger I feel at this so called doctor and the whole of our local NHS.

It was so nice when Steve (Lynn's hubby) turned up, although the poor man must have thought he'd turned up into a war zone as Lynn and I were so stressed out......his big "man" cuddle made us both feel a lot better.

Still at least now we have been able to make an appointment with the registrar and the funeral directors for tomorrow and so by the end of Thursday we should feel a lot calmer as the NHS should by then be totally out of the system...providing of course that TWO doctors DO go to the funeral directors and grant permission for a cremation!!!!! It seems they have to certify that no "foul play" has taken place.....I think the only foul play involved was that done by the NHS!!!!

To help lower my stress levels and hopefully my blood pressure...the rate we are going I'll be needing to increase my own dosage!!!.......we went to a garden centre. One of my blogfriends, Julie, had sent me a lovely card which included some Garden Gift Vouchers so that I could buy something special for the garden....isn't that such a lovely thing to do!!!!!

Nothing "caught my eye"....I'll know when I see the "right" thing...but while we were there I thought I'd take advantage of having some car drivers about and picked up 4 bags of compost and 3 bags of shingle. These would be difficult things for me to buy and transport home.

Ha..Ha...no one knew I had my camera with me and don't know I took these shots!!!!..as I lingered behind them! A little bit of silliness and light relief!

I have had a phone call from the lady who will be conducting Mick's service...she will be coming to the house on Monday morning to talk about Mick, music and readings. I'll tell you more about that when the final decisions have been made.

Steve has now gone home (after a good roast lamb dinner) and Lynn and I have been round to Manda's house for a short while. It seemed so strange as although she only lives around the corner we haven't been able to get into her house due to the steepness of the steps. I'm finding my own "small steps" quite difficult...it doesn't seem the same without Mick.

It did mean, though, that I saw the Forsythia in bloom that Mick and I had given Manda some years ago.......she says it has never flowered as well as it has this year....very special.

And for the first time I have taken a sunset photo from a garden other than our own.............
I hope you are all enjoying the Easter Egg Hunt; only a few more clues to go!!!!!