I DIDN'T WANT TO BE ANGRY TODAY!

The day started so well; had a lovely kiss from Mick when I told him it was our anniversary. He drank his tea and was really enjoying his breakfast and then the choking started. My poor darling was coughing and choking for an HOUR. It's heartbreaking when this happens and I feel so helpless. He must feel so frightened and all I can do is just try to tell him not worry and try to make light of it when inside my heart is aching for him. He did finally manage to bring up some mucus and at the moment is having a little doze. As usual I think the constant coughing has caused him to have another slight stroke; the right hand side of his mouth is slightly drooped.

Once he had settled I telephoned our doctors surgery to see if our doctor had spoken to the local hospice yet ( see his visit on Tuesday) about a possible solution to Micks mucus problem. The receptionist said the our doctor was off today and after looking at all his notes could see NO reference to the doctor having spoken to the hospice!!!!! and suggested I phoned the hospice direct. I've tried that but had to leave a message on the answer phone. HOPEFULLY someone will phone me soon. I really thought that THIS time, just MAYBE the doctor would try and do something to help Mick. We ask so little. All I want is for Mick to live his days without suffering and this constant coughing and choking must be hurting him so much and means that his one remaining pleasure - eating his food - is spoilt for him.

Well I've had my moan. I have no one here to rant and rave at and find it helps to get it out of my system by writing it down.

I am now going to sit and hold my darlings hand and think beautiful thoughts.