SUN... DAY...MONDAY

I received a lovely email today from the Clatterbridge Cancer Camapign...as I said in a previous post Mick's requested no flowers at his funeral.....it always saddened him that so much money was spent on flowers that would soon fade and die.....he would rather people gave money to a charity or even just had a good p*** up in his memory. The girls and I all felt the same way that if anyone wanted to donate that the money should go to the Rose's Tribute Fund. This is the letter I received;

Dear Ruth,
Thank you very much indeed for the donations totalling £405.00, given in memory of your late husband, Mick, we really appreciate your support. It was very kind of you to think of us at this difficult and sad time for you. Please pass on out thanks to your family and friends who contributed to this gift in Mick’s memory.
We are very fortunate to have many dedicated fundraisers. Local support and generosity from organisations and individuals such as you ensure that essential work and improvements at the hospital continues as fundraising efforts make considerable advances to the facilities we are able to offer our patients here.
On behalf of everyone at Clatterbridge Centre for Oncology and Clatterbridge Cancer Research Trust, I would like to thank you for your support. Hopefully your encouragement will continue and help us maintain our essential work.
Yours sincerely
Susan Higham
Clatterbridge Cancer Campaign

I know there is a little more yet to come in and so the final figure will be nearer £450.00.

We've had another fantastic day. Talj ate a good breakfast; double scrambled eggs and bacon on toast........................ we then had a walk over to our local shops and spent much of the afternoon in the garden. The weather is being really kind to us, warm, blue skiea and sunshine all day; and Talj seems to quite like my new lounger......Hmmm...glad Andi wouldn't be able to get it in his car or I may find it missing by Sunday!!!...LOL

She's been taking some wonderful "close-up" shots of many of the flowers and I've seen plants in a totally new light.

No Talj's not playing peek-a-boo...she slapping on the suncream......that's Appletiser in that glass....honest Andi!!!!! Manda popped in during her lunch hour and joined us for a cream tea (or should I say cream lunch!....homemade fruit scones with summer fruits and whipped cream).......and believe it or not she still managed to eat all her dinner. We've not had dessert yet but I'm sure the Rhubarb Pie will have gone down before the evenings over!

THE SUNDAY POST

I don't know if it's the effect of having "proper" photographers around with "massive, complicated" cameras or whether it's just that I'm having such a great time but I've hardly taken any photos! This will probably please the family as they know that as soon as they see me with camera in hand that I'm having a "Blog Moment" and try to make sure they are doing nothing embarrassing!!!! I did manage a snap of Leanne trying on Talj's "boot"...she says it's really heavy and difficult to balance in!
This one is last night after dinner (and a few wines)......(OK AND a few brandy and cokes!!!), as we adjourned to the garden. Dinner went down well; I was really pleased that Talj managed to eat as much as she did. Her appetite has been quite poor...very worrying. I think the Suffolk air must be helping though as it was she who instigated the serving of Apple Pie for dessert!

This morning after a spin in Andi's FAB car; roof open, wind in my hair; smile on my face...... I cooked an English Brunch; Talj ate egg, bacon, beans, sausage, fried bread and toast! Andi (mushrooms as well on his) seemed happy too as I cleared away their two totally empty plates; he reckons it's the best B&B in town!.....LOL

Andi had to go home for the week but has promised to return on Friday; he left Talj and I with a gift; a box of chocolates each...

ROSE'S HEROES

Speaking of gifts.......look what I've been given by Talj.........................let me introduce

JESSIE THE TRIPOD

David Bailey watch out!!!...........................no more shaky hand problems for me!!!!

I also received something else VERY, VERY SPECIAL but I won't say any more about it yet. Lynn knows but I want to also tell Manda and Leanne in person....it's something really "spec" to me.

Talj has done really well getting up and downstairs to the bathroom......never a complaint although I know how difficult it must be for her. I've allowed her temporary possession of Mick's chair for the duration of her visit....would you believe she's now just eaten Jam Roly Poly and cream!!!

I hope you are still all checking out the Online Print Shop and the Online Auction Site

ALL'S WELL

Very quick post tonight...just to let you all know that Talj and Andrew arived safe and sound. Great company, great weather, and (hopefully) great food (well they almost ate it all).

WORDS OF PRAISE

I always like to be fair; I had a fair few moans lately and it's time I started dishing out some praise. It's been a difficult time lately and some people haven't made matters any easier for me but some have helped to make the bad times better.

First there are all of you who help me so much with your comments and emails. I was so glad that Jo heeded my words and mentioned you in the "Welcome" on Wednesday.....(see below)

Welcome and Opening Words
On behalf of Ruth and her family, I thank you for being here today for this ceremony to celebrate the life of her beloved husband, Michael Jenner, better known to you all as Mick. The family are very grateful to you all for being here to support them and they also remember those friends and family who would have liked to join us, but are not able to be here, particularly all the people on Ruth's blog who have supported her and Mick over the last months.

Then there is Jo herself. She is so friendly and immediately puts one at ease even during the most difficult of situations. In the few emails that we have exchanged she has always been so caring and considerate. What a fabulous lady. What a wonderful service. Nicole was so taken by her and the way she conducted herself that after the funeral she went and spoke to her; asking her about her "job" and expressing a desire to do the same herself when she is older. Jo's email response: I had a lovely chat with Nicole. When she gets to the point of making decisions about her life, if she is still interested in the work I do, I would seriously be more than happy to talk to her. As I said to her on Wednesday, she is unlikely to find much career guidance on this job!!
How lovely and very unusual to find such a young person interested in, or even aware of, such a job.

Jo had promised me the full transcript of the service and incredibly ( I think she must have influence over the Royal Mail!) it arrived in my mail on Thursday!! Even the bill was in a sealed envelope marked "When you are ready" a lovely touch. I've typed up Mick's Tribute from the service and posted it on my WORDS FOR MICK blog for anyone who would like to read it. Just click HERE.

My next words of praise go to the Co-op Funeral Directors in Sudbury. From the moment they came to "collect" Mick to the moment they left us after the journey home from his funeral....every member of staff has been kind, courteous and empathetic. Do you remember my post about when I received a phone call from the Funeral Directors who were worried about how to get Mick's shirt on him as his arms were so clenched.....and the lady who phoned said "We don't want to hurt him"........

**********************************

Now to my day.......I had an appointment at the opticians this morning. It was my first journey alone. It was horrible....I sat right at the back of the bus, as far away from the wheelchair friendly area as possible....too many memories there. It has been a few years since I went to the opticians....my prescription glasses broke about 14 months ago and I've been making do with off the shelf magnifying glasses. Well no wonder I've had difficulty seeing properly. It seems not only do I have some scarring on my right eye (I don't know how) but also my eye strength has changed considerably. I hadn't realised how poor the sight in my right eye had become until the optician asked me to read the top line of their chart with just one eye. It was just one big blur!!!

I also went to Argos and bought a new wardrobe and shelf set...one of those flat pack canvas ones. Because so much of the downstairs furniture and knick knacks had to go upstairs over the last couple of years, and I still needed room for beds for visitors, I had dismantled our 2 large wardrobes. I now need something to put my clothes in..they have been living in plastic crates! The box was so large I had to phone for a cab...no way would I get this on a bus!The cab driver lives near us and asked me how Mick was doing...I had to tell him...I expect that will happen a lot..................

The box had these "words of dread" written on them.........can you imagine trying to repack something .....................

that has TEN pages of instructions!!!!!........................but they were very easy to follow..........................at least that's what the manufacturer's reckon!It's all done now though...just got to put the clothes in them now!!!

Now I mustn't stay up too late tonight...tomorrow is a special day...my "SPEC" blogfriend Talj is coming to stay. She is travelling to Norfolk and then "SPEC" Andi is bringing her the rest of the way. Andi is staying tomorrow night too; and Leanne is coming over to meet them both. She missed out last time and is really looking forward to it. It's going to be FUN!!!!

LIAR, LIAR, PANTS ON FIRE!

I'M A LIAR...did you know that?????.......No??????....well neither did I until I was informed of the fact this afternoon. Admittedly I called the person who called me a liar, one too.......did that sentence make sense? It was a sort of "tit for tat" liar calling session. So who do you believe????.........you could be swayed a little when I tell you that the person who called me a liar was my doctor....a highly respected member of the medical profession (cough cough)...well how could you doubt him! OK so it's the same doctor who totally ignored Mick's symptoms putting them down to headaches and an ear infection.......and he is a member of the same surgery who for 6 months some years ago gave Mick Colefac for the pain in his stomach....that was until Mick's bowel actually burst from the cancerous growth in it resulting in peritonitis and near loss of life (Mick had part of his bowel rebuilt). Yes I know it's the first time you've heard about that.....just another of the Million Stories in MY particular naked city!!!!

But I digress.........let me just precis the happenings of this afternoon.

There was a knock on my door; the doctor was there. "Yes can I help you" I say. He wants to come in. "Errr, why? Mr Jenner is dead now" I say. He insists he wants to come in to speak to me (may I point out that I am now a woman living on her own and I had neither requested to see the doctor or been informed that he wished to visit). I insist that I don't particularly want to speak to him....why would I want to speak to a doctor of a surgery who....(see all that first bit above). He tells me none of that happened. He says as soon as he saw Mick "things" were put into motion. He says I'm a liar.

(me shouting now)......"You're the liar! If it hadn't been for a locum who immediately saw how ill Mick was we may never have even seen a specialist!"

He tells me I'm just angry. Yes I'll hold my hands up to that...I am ******* ANGRY!

He wants to come in. I express (quite loudly) my surprise that he wants to come in; he didn't seem to want to when he had a patient here!.... in fact none of the medical profession seemed to want to.....in fact none of the medical profession (doctors or nurses) had touched Mick since he came out of hospital in 2005.....I ask him to go (loudly but politely) and shut the door.

More knocking on the door....guess who???.........you've got it in one. He informs me I'm angry and a liar. I inform him I have the District Nurses notes upstairs as proof; they sign them when they visit (if they visit) and (more loudly and less politely) ask him to go.

Sometime later there was a message on my phone...it was the Hospice worker..wondering how the funeral went!!!!!

What is going on with the medical profession in England? They can almost totally ignore a dying man........until of course he's dead!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

On a lighter note I forgot to mention one of the things that we had planned yesterday. We bought some "Bubbles" and Manda labelled and decorated the packs for the grandchildren to blow when they got home, for their Grandad. It was a lovely touch...there are some left...I may have a bubble blowing session myself some time....it may be good for my blood pressure.

I was given a present today too..........Mirry and Fran had seen on my blog that my garden lounger was old and had no proper cushion and look what they went and bought me before they went home!!!

Another photo from a different angle; just in case you don't believe me ......after all I have it on good medical authority that I'm a liar!

Note and apology: Manda has just reminded she did witness the doctor touch Mick once;...... he lifted one of Mick's eyelids up.

IT WAS THE WORST OF TIMES IT WAS THE BEST OF TIMES

I have been overwhelmed by the emails and comments I've received for yesterday. Time is against me; I wish I could personally thank you all. Yesterday was one of the worst days of my life yet was the best day I could have hoped for; I admit that my head pounded and my legs were like jelly; I was sure that they would give way as I followed Mick down the aisle. He was carried by Chris, Steve M, Steve J, Rob and Ron...the sixth bearer being one of the funeral directors. I was so proud of them all and it gave my legs strength. The weather was glorious and almost all of the congregation had heeded my plea that bright colours (like flowers in a garden) should be worn. I myself wore a red dress that Mick so loved me in. I was married in red and it seemed right that I wore red yesterday too. I placed a single Camellia from our garden on Mick's casket and placed a final kiss there too.

Jo greeted us all and Phil and Mel were so brave (being "first up") as they lit the candle of Remembrance. Kirsty read her poem; in fact she and Nicole had decided to read it together; each one reading a verse at a time. I was so proud as I know their Grandad was; they are only 12 and 13...so brave, so courageous. Lynn, Leanne, Manda and Chris all read their poems and words.....each one filled with emotion and tears....but none of them allowed Jo to "step in" and take over. Each of them made it through.......I'm so proud and I know their Dad was.

The tribute that Jo had written was perfect; I was so proud; I know Mick was too. The worst moment was as the curtains closed as the strains of Old and Wise faded. I know Mick will always be with me in my heart and his memory will live on in the hearts of so many....but the closing of the curtains seemed so "final".

Following this, Jo thanked all who had attended and gave special thanks to all my blogfriends who though unable to attend had given me so much support and strength...(you were all with me, more than you will ever realise) she then read some words that she had found, I felt she had picked them especially, they seemed so right for Mick (she says she will send me a copy). As she said the final words she looked straight at me and I mouthed a silent thank you to her.

The last music to be played was "The only way is up"....and yes, when it came to the time time in the song..........we who knew sang out loud and clear "BATSUMA"......(we had to explain afterwards to other members of the family afterwards what it was all about).

There was not a single hitch during the whole service...even the music played perfectly....as I relistened to the words of them all I knew that I had chosen them well.

Almost all of the family and friends came back to the house; the sun was still shining and the "party" spilled over to the green area at the front of the house!!!

The collage, photo album, sympathy cards, emails/comments from blogfirends and the booklet that Denise had made were looked at by all. The buffet was tucked into and there was a lot of (sensible) drinking done. Lots of laughter!!!!!

Time to eat

Fred amusing Sue and Fran with tales of yore!

The party spills out to the green

Ahhhhhhhh

Me caught posing!

Mirry, Fran and Manda catching up on old times( this one taken on Tuesday)

WORDS FOR MICK

I've wanted to find a way of posting the booklet that Denise and some of my blogfriends compiled. This is the best I can do and in no way compares to the real thing. It is fitting that today should be the day to post it...the support of all my blogfriends since October 2006 has meant so much to me. I have also posted the order of service which will start at 2pm .....it is my way of having you all there beside me. Click on the photo below to view.

WORDS FOR RUTH

It's going to be a busy day and so I may not have time to do a proper post..so in true TV chef manner here is one I prepared earlier. It's taken from a Birthday card sent to me by Sheila and I'd like to share it with you. It is also the birthday today of Libby's Mum....so a good day to print a birthday card verse.

We are all born to a world of change
Though we may never know why.
We grow and learn, despair, rejoice,
Wonder and laugh and cry....
And the days fly by.

And some look back with little more
Than regret and a wistful sigh
Or worry their way toward the future
Or do their best to deny
That the days fly by.

Each moment in time is a gift that comes
And goes in the blink of an eye.
We question, as always, the meaning of
life,
And "to live" is the only reply.

So I celebrate you in the
here and now-
May you live as well as life will allow,
And may your spirits be ever high
So they, too, fly.......
As the days fly by.

MICK AND I...OUR FIRST PHOTO AS A COUPLE...JULY 1989

IT'S TUESDAY TOMORROW!

It's been a long, long time since I've done this;but this morning I treated myself to a cuppa in bed. Wednesday is looming too quickly now; what seemed like an age away is almost here. I'm having a bit of a mental block about days of the week. An example; On Tuesday Mirry and Fran arrive (they are booked into a B&B); On Tuesday Lynn and Steve come, staying here Tuesday and Wednesday night; Tuesday is my last chance to make sure everything is ready for Wednesday.................in my mind these three Tuesdays had been like separate days................this afternoon it suddenly hit me that not only are these three Tuesdays the SAME DAY....but also it is TOMORROW!!!........Wednesday is too close for comfort...................I won't think about it yet......I'll get back to today.
Leanne came over this morning with Melissa (a sneaky day off school). Chris stayed with Mel while Leanne and I went to see Mick. It was the first time we had seen him in his suit and in his casket. He looked so handsome but somehow I preferred it when he was on a trolley. It was more like he was just laying on a bed.......seeing him in the casket really hurt...oh how it hurt.....

Leanne and I both left the items that we were leaving with Mick for him to take with him on Wednesday. They were personal letters and photographs and of course these; Mick loved growing vegetables; we dreamt of a garden large enough for him to have a huge vegetable patch. His favourite veg were runner beans; highly productive in a small area...I couldn't let him go without any seed.

We were back home by 2.30 and Chris as well as acting as child sitter had washed up, emptied the bins AND vacuumed (Hurrah for Chris!).........he also answered the door to.......the DOCTOR! Chris said he had difficulty understanding him but gathered he had popped by to see if I needed bereavement counselling and asked when the funeral was. I must admit I was peeved to think that he would turn up with no pre-phone call....not knowing when the funeral was he could have arrived at a very inappropriate time!

Tracey, our hairdresser, has just left. Manda had a trim too......oh! I should have taken a photo....Manda NEVER has her hair cut and is inclined to usually chop cut it herself. I'm glad she was here; it seemed strange having Tracey here and Mick not having his hair cut too.

I've received a few more lovely emails from some of my blogfriends who due to the Easter Holidays had not visited until now and didn't know of Mick's passing. I also received a lovely card from a family who we don't know particularly well..it was a beautiful handcrafted one...I didn't even know the wife made them. I was so moved by the card....especially as even our immediate next door neighbour has sent no word or card of condolence...yet Mick had known him for 20 years.

There was also a knock on the door this afternoon. I opened it and an elderly gentleman in obvious poor health was standing there. He had read Mick's Obituary Notice in the local newspaper and had come to pay his respects and bring a card. It seems he worked with Mick as a painter and decorator years and years ago!!! It was lovely to hear his praise for Mick and his admiration for him both as a man and as a fellow workmate. He asked when the funeral was and he intends to come. He is unable to drive himself due to his own disabilities so I'm going to make sure there is a space for him in one of the cars.

Well that's all for now. Also in the post has been more paperwork for me to do but I think it will have to wait until after Wednesday. The next few days are going to be busy and fraught. I really hope I get time to do my blog...it's like a diary to me......I definitely won't have time to do a lot of blog commenting.....though I shall be on the "lurk" late at night!

I saw this quote some time ago, I don't know who wrote IT; but I think it's very apt....

“A blog is an ideal way of doing a brain dump on a daily basis of what is going on right now, the weird, the exciting and the awful things ... I also wanted to have a record for myself, just for posterity.”

MY "ME" DAY

Something that I'd forgotten to mention previously was about the Tena Incontinence pads that Mick used. In the garage and upstairs in the garage I had about 6 HUGE boxes left...all boxed up and not unwrapped or anything. When Lynn phoned the delivery company to cancel the order she asked if they could pick up all the unused, unopened packets. It seems it's not financially viable for the company to collect them and said to just dump them! I couldn't believe it...when I think back to the fight I had to get Mick placed on the incontinence register....there must be other people out there who would love to have them. What a waste!!! I couldn't bring myself to just dump them so we've trying to find a home or charity who may be able to make use of them. The Red Cross across the road from us said they couldn't take them and it was starting to look as though dumped they would be. Luckily Lynn's mum-in-law has found someone who wants them so Lynn loaded them into her car yesterday and took them with her. It's surprising how much more space I have in the garage and house now.

I was up until 3am last night/Sunday morning scanning photos to make up a slide show of Mick photos for my computer...we want to have that running when we get back to the house on Wednesday. There are a lot of fun memories in those photos! I had company though,(ARACHNOPHOBICS TURN AWAY NOW!) this little fellow stayed with me the whole time!

It may have been a late night but this morning when I felt the sun shining through the bedroom window I was up like the proverbial lark and out into the garden by 7am. Feeling a bit tired tonight but in a nice way...afraid I won't be doing a blogaround though...my bed is calling!
I had a grand potter; chatted to Mick endlessly, listened to the Radio Kent gardening programme, mulled over a few things I want to sort out, talked over a few ideas. I really want to print out in a commemorative blog the comments and emails that I've received. There's no problems with publishing the comments..they are open to public view anyway in my comment box but the booklet that Denise made and the emails I want to ask the writers permission...I may need to leave out some of their own personal stuff that they've confided to me. It's a project in hand....well actually some of it I've made a start on...I just need to contact a few people first before I make it public.

Back to today.......in between pottering I had plenty of rest...my old sun lounger came out of the garage, the cushion was thrown away a long time ago but I folded an old double duvet and it's more comfortable than it was before...................

in fact it was so comfortable that part way through reading this.....I fell asleep!!!!!.......Mick was always the afternoon dozer not me!!!.......

Mauigirl remarked in my comment box yesterday that she feels closer to her father now than she did during the last year of his life when he was not himself anymore; I can relate to that. Today I have felt REALLY close to Mick...the Real Mick....not the Ill Mick.....it's been a good day with no distractions...I just did what "I" wanted to do.
It was funny because when I finally came back indoors I put the radio on again; what should be playing but another of Mick's "make up your own words" songs. I'm not sure if I've had occasion to tell you about this one before. I know I've mentioned "I believe in miracles, where's your bra you sexy thing" and "The only way is up, BATSUMA!"....this was one I hadn't thought about for a while...........

• Actual Lyrics: No I can't forget this evening or your face as you were leaving
  
• Mick Lyrics: Oh I can't forget that ceiling that I painted in Darjeeling

It certainly was a fitting end to my gardening day.

This evening, Jo, who is taking Mick's service phoned and emailed over the Tribute that she has written. She has done so well; she really listened to everything that Manda and I had told her. I only had to ask her to change a couple of words. It must be so hard to encapsulate someones whole life in just a few paragraphs but she has done really well.

Just realised it's well past midnight which means all those today's I've mentioned were now actually yesterday (Sunday)..........it also means it's St George's Day...so flying the flag!

GOOD LUCK TO EVERYONE
RUNNING THE LONDON MARATHON TODAY

CHEATING!

Had a busy morning today I went out for the longest time yet without Mick. I won't pretend it was easy; my legs were like jelly and as we entered the shops that previously I been in with Mick waves of emotion came over me and tears pricked my eyes. I had to do it though and I had Lynn, Manda, Chris and Nicole to support me. The reason for the shopping trip was to buy food for Wednesday. We aren't having one of those "pub dos".......at home and in the garden is where we all feel Mick's presence the most and that's where we want to be. Although I enjoy cooking I'm cheating and have bought in quiches, continental and British cold meats and even shop bought desserts! Manda is making one of her pasta salads and cooking sausage rolls (the kids love them) and on Tuesday we will get some nice breads and salad and it will be a "help yourself" buffet. Some wine and beers, lots of music and (hopefully) plenty of laughs....just as Mick would have wanted it.

The boot of Lynn's car was bursting with goodies......and now so are my fridge and freezer. When we arrived home I saw that one of our neighbours was busy in his garden and continuing to put up his new fence. I could do with a new one myself...maybe he could give me a hand....oh no that would be unfair...I forgot about his disability for a moment..the one that means he can't get about and has to have a free car etc off of the government.

I also cheated with lunch.......while we were in Tesco's we got some of these......and very yummy they were too!

Everyone had gone home by 4pm and I had an hour or two in the garden....planning for tomorrow. I'm having a door staying locked, phone calls vetted day.....a ME day! I'm going to spend all day in the garden (please let the weather hold) and catch up with all the potting up that needs so desperately doing..........so if you're in the neighbourhood tomorrow and hear a voice chattering away, relaying everything she's doing.....it's just me chatting to Mick as I potter. I must remember to tell him the first Clematis Montana flower is open...we always used to have a bet as to which bud would open first each year...........I won't cheat...I'll admit I was wrong this year.

WHATEVER DAY IT IS...THIS IS THE POST

At last that long list of things to do and people to inform has been done! As I finally came off the phone after the last phone call....15 minutes of hang on time.....I let out a whoop of delight. I've done all I can do for the moment....it's just a case now of waiting for replies and the inevitable form filling that will follow. If I could lay on a postal strike....just to our house.... it would give me some respite.

I had two wonderful surprises today...first of all the phone rang and it was Libby! It's the first time we had spoken to each other over the phone and she sounds as good as she writes. we chatted for quite a while abut this and that and (of course) gardening. The reason for her phoning...to say how sorry she was that she wouldn't be able to be with us on Wednesday! As I said to her...the fact that she wanted to means the world to me. Surprise number two came when the post was delivered...I received a lovely birthday card from Sheila...the words on it were so perfect and when I have more time I will print them as a sidebar addition on my Photo A Day blog.

Now before I go any further I must tell you about last night....while I was having my bath that wretched corner unit in the bathroom fell down on me again.

Knowing what a ****** it is to get up again I thought I'd leave fixing it until today. Well when I'd finished with all that paperwork etc I remembered I had to fix it but thought ...the sun's shining...it can wait till later..and off I went to the garden. I started to do some potting up and needed to go to the garage for another bag of compost....as I walked through the kitchen I heard the DJ on the radio say it was Friday. Friday??? I thought...what's he on about?...it's Thursday................the light dawned...it IS FRIDAY and in a couple of hours Lynn would be here! and I'd got a bathroom that looked like a bomb site! I really don't know where the week has gone..it's one long blur.......................

We all had a lovely Chilli Fest this evening courtesy of Chris...no photos...it didn't last long enough!...and then we (Lynn, Manda, Chris, Nicole and myself) have spent a few hours going through endless photos trying to choose some for the collage we are doing of Mick for Wednesday. there were so many photos to choose from...it was a hard choice to make...I think we've managed to encapsulate the essence of Mick though.

I must ask Talj and Andrew if they can take a photograph of it so I can print some copies for the girls to keep. I find it difficult to photograph pictures with glass in...to many reflections and flash images.

As a reward for our hard work we treated ourselves to Profiteroles for supper....I had a pack of plain ones but also some Baileys flavoured ones....they were scrummy.

Well that's about it for today...memo to self ....tomorrow is Saturday!...if you have a chance this weekend pop over and have a look at the online shop and the online auction.

TRIP IN THE LIGHT ...FANTASIC

Phew...aching a bit tonight. Not feeling unwell aching...just hard work aching. I spent much of this morning trying to sort out the bedrooms AGAIN!!! I know the other week I had a room all ready for Talj's visit but I didn't know then that I'd have family sleeping over before she came. Also as I've now taken up residence again in Mick's and my bedroom...sleepover space is difficult to find....and I'm not giving up our bedroom now!!! Not that the girls would even allow me too...they know how important it is to me; how close I feel to Mick there. It does mean though that on Wednesday some of the family will have to sleep downstairs. Manda is having 2 sleepers at her house so that just leaves 5 (plus me) at ours. Anyway that explains why I'm aching....all those spare beds Manda and I took out of Talj's room have now had to be put back in. But I managed it. Of course next Thursday they'll have to come out again before the weekend.....memo to self; when job hunting look into employment as a furniture remover...LOL

Leanne came over late morning...she has been granted some compassionate time off work...she travelled by bus this time......and text me to say she would be reaching Farm Foods at about 10.30. I decided to walk down and meet her. My one failing at the moment is leaving the house. In fact I've never been to Farm Foods without Mick...even when he was well. I know I've got to cope with outings on my own but I feel so lost without him with me....yet I feel fine in the house or the garden. I managed the walk down; Leanne's bus had already arrived and she was already on her way up the hill to meet me. I was puffing and panting with the DOWNhill walk; yet only a few weeks ago I could push Mick UPhill with little problem. Halfway down I realised I was even taking the slightly longer wheelchair friendly route...going slightly out of my way to find the slopes in the pavement! I made it though and Leanne and I even went shopping in Farm Foods itself. It seemed strange walking past all the things I would get for Mick as a treat and not buying them.

I had a couple of LOVELY items in the post today. The Memorial Cards that Denise has made arrived...and...excitingly...I received a letter and some beautiful photographs from my dear Blogfriend Sx who lives in Portugal. It was quite surreal to actually handle photographs that he had taken (not downloaded ones from an email) and to read words that he had actually written with his own hand......not typed. Sx has been a blogfriend of mine since the very early days of my blogging....he has in his life been through a similar situation as mine (as I have found out lately ...... many of you have) and has always seen beneath the words I write.

After lunch (Manda joined us during her lunch hour) Leanne and I set to installing some garden lights that I bought quite a while ago. Mick and I had always had a "things to do" and "places to go" list......having more lighting in the garden was one of the "things to do". The lights I had bought weren't solar lights and to install them involved drilling through the metal base of the kitchen window so we could thread the cable through to the electricity point. It's been so long since any DIY tools have been used that I had to almost clear out the whole of the understairs cupboard to find them. There was then a lot of clambering and stretching involved to position the lights. We did the job though and as Mick would have said "It was a good job jobbed"....though Leanne did stay an hour longer than she had intended but thankfully (as she was travelling by bus) her journey home was a lot quicker than it had been on Tuesday.

Well it's starting to get dark now so I'm off to have a sit in the garden and admire the new lighting......then maybe a hot bath and an early night are in order.

I know what you're thinking...what NO PHOTO.....OK then but I warn you trying to take night photos is not my forte.......

10 WAYS TO BEAT THE AFTER RANT BLUES

1. See your daughter's face when she receives a bouquet from the school where she works



2. Receive a beautiful bouquet yourself from Talj and Andrew



3. Receive a cheer up phone call from Talj



4. Have Chris turn up with a surprise treat for my lunch "to cheer me up"



5. Receive a cheer up phone call from Denise



6. Receive a phone call from the Funeral Directors who are worried about how to get Mick's shirt on him as his arms are so clenched.....in the lady who phoned words "We don't want to hurt him"........what a lovely thing to say.



7. Read all the supportive comments in your comment box



8. Watch a beautiful sunset



9. Chill out for a few hours in front of he TV.



10. Slowly sip a glass of Amarula

TIME FOR A RANT

Gotta get this off of my chest before I explode. This morning I thought I'd type a few letter and make a few calls to credit card companies etc. Everything was going fine until I tried to cancel Mick's Burton's store card. Mick doesn't owe anything on it at all; but I thought that it may be a good idea to let the finance company that deals with the Burton's card know...just to prevent any concerns about identity theft and also to save me receiving any mail for Mick from them in the future. After 3 minutes of button pushing and 5 minutes of ear deafening music (with the odd voice interjection informing me they were busy) I finally got to speak to what I thought was a human being. It was obvious that the speaker was American by his accent (the following no way reflects on ALL Americans...we have plenty of morons like this in the UK).....I explained the situation, gave account details, explained that although Mick owed no money I was informing them for security's sake etc etc.............................I was informed that it was not in order for me to phone them ...only Mr Jenner could phone them.....thinking he had misheard my information I repeated my explanation that Mr Jenner had passed away on 6th April...still no joy....he had to speak to Mr Jenner........I then tried changing my wording..may be to an American the words "passed away" don't convey death.........I (still trying to remain calm) informed him that Mr Jenner was dead.........still no joy........I then got to shouting mode!!!!.....I shouted at the top of my voice "MR JENNER IS DEAD!".....no joy...he told me he had to speak to Mr Jenner as I had no authorisation to speak on his behalf.........I then screamed at the top of my voice "MR JENNER IS DEAD...D-E-A-D....AS IN DECEASED...D-E-C-E-A-S-E-D!!!" Still this moronic tw*t of a person insisted on speaking to Mr Jenner. I made a suggestion....would he like to take my phone number...give it to his credit control department...and maybe ask them to PHONE MR JENNER ABOUT HIS ACCOUNT......this seemed to pacify him...he took my number and said someone will phone Mr Jenner in the next few days. Hopefully when someone does phone they may have a modicum of common sense.

Rant over......I feel better now.....especially as when I was typing that last sentence the beautiful flowers were delivered from Talj and Andi. As always something nice just when I need it most. I don't think I can handle making anymore phone calls for a while......I think I'll spend a bit of time in the garden before I continue with the arduous task.

MICK'S-ED EMOTIONS

The chaps came and took all the equipment and the bed away today...I felt a little tearful but reminded myself that they were taking away memories of the "Ill Mick" not my "Real Mick". The living room looked huge with the bed gone and Manda and I set about moving my "office" area to nearer the window. She and Chris had bought me two presents that came in very handy...

and the area was soon looking like home.As you can see I received lots of cards...some were from blogfriends!..and I've been "tipped the wink" that more may be on their way!!!!!

My friend, Sue, bought me a lovely mug...I'll use it when she pops over for a cuppaand Leanne and co bought me a pair of "stone" solar lights; they will look lovely by the pond.

Ron (Mick's brother) and Brenda (his wife) arrived about noon; had some lunch; listened to my tales of my blog friends and looked at the booklet Denise and friends had made and then at 2pm we went to see Mick. I went in last...I like to be the last to see him....and did find it difficult to leave him again. I took in the clothes he will wear and told him how smart he will look. I told him about my day so far and stole many a birthday kiss. Three times I hesitated at the door and went back to steal one more...................

We popped into Roys to buy a clip frame for the collage of Mick we are going to make. This will be at the front of the chapel for the whole of the service. Leanne had to quickly catch the train home after that. Melissa had Country Dancing after school and had to be picked up at 4.15. As per usual the public transport system let her down; her train was delayed and she didn't get home until 5pm. Thank goodness she was able to contact Mel's friend's Mum who picked Mel up for her. In fact Ron and Brenda got home quicker by car to Swanley (67 miles) than Leanne did to Colchester (16 miles).

When Manda and I returned home we found we had just missed a delivery of flowers from Talj and Andi. Once again when I was feeling a little sad something came along to cheer me up! Manda phoned the company and they will redeliver in the morning.

When Nicole came home from school, she and Chris came round to join Manda and I. Nicole bought me a thermometer for the garden...very handy especially as tonight frost has been forecast!

They also surprised me with a Birthday Cake.....kindly they omitted to put on the other 53 candles....LOL

So it was a day of mixed emotions.......this time last year I wondered if I would see Mick again on my next birthday. This year there is no "wondering"...this year I know that next year I won't see him. I'll FEEL him though................

Now I can't end this post like that...I'll be crying into my coffee cup. You remember that photo of me when I was a little girl on my earlier post. Well I have some footage of me and a few toddler friends singing....I'm being very brave and allowing you to see it......now only look if you want to...remember I was only little and the word "poo" is mentioned...I add that warning for the delicate of stomach. Click HERE.