Sunday, April 15, 2007

At least having a lap top I can use my PC in the garden (until the battery runs out); I don't like doing it just in case I drop it or something but it's so lovely out here and while I'm relaxed I must write about finding Mick's suit.
The Funeral Directors told us last week that Mick could wear whatever we wanted. I know he will want to look his best so it had to be his suit; the last time he wore it was in May 14th 2005. Our nephew was getting married and Mick had already been visiting the doctor for some weeks; his headaches were bad and he was having difficult walking and controlling his bladder. The doctor kept saying Mick had nothing more than an ear infection. I was worried about him doing the drive (I'm a non-driver, sad to say) and Lynn had offered to pick us up but Mick insisted that as there was nothing major wrong with him that he would drive us to her house (where we were to stay the night before the wedding). I wanted to cancel our going to the wedding but Mick said there was no way he was missing his brother's son's great day. He said "as long as I stay near a toilet I'll be ok". The drive down was worrying....Mick seemed to be unsure of the way yet previously he would have been able to do it blindfolded. He had to stop in laybys a number of times and by the time we got to Lynn's a couple of hours later he couldn't make it up the stairs to the toilet in time. My poor darling was so embarrassed. We were all worried and I was glad that Lynn was doing the actual drive to the wedding venue the next day. Poor Mick had to put up with so many snide remarks that he was "pissed" during the reception as on occasions he stumbled a little and had to be shown were the loo was because each time he visited it he couldn't remember the next time where it was; I would wait outside for him as he couldn't find his way back to where we were sitting. It was a lovely fairy tale wedding........and somehow Mick got us home safely a day later.........a month or so later when his brother brought the wedding video for us to watch Mick didn't remember any of it......................

Anyway this is the suit that Mick will be wearing on the 25th...no tie though....he hated them! On Thursday Lynn and I tried to find it; I wasn't looking forward to the task...I knew just how much seeing it would upset me. As you all know over the past 2 years our house has been somewhat rearranged....the wardrobe that it used to hang in I'd had to dismantle to make more room for extra beds for visitors. I knew exactly where it was though....or so I thought!!!!! Lynn and I went through the cupboard where I thought I'd put it but it wasn't there. I looked through boxes in the garage, boxes in the bedrooms but couldn't find it. I said to Lynn "Dad knows I'm not ready to find it yet. He'll wait till it's just me on my own."


Today I found it.....exactly where I knew it was supposed to be...........exactly where Lynn and I had been fruitlessly searching on Thursday. It was the way it was meant to be.......I hugged that suit.......I could feel Mick in my arms......I cried a lot.......it was what I needed to do.......it was what I wouldn't have allowed myself to do if I hadn't been on my own.


Thanks Darling...{{{HUGS}}}

11 visitors have commented:

Anonymous said...

Thats a lovely photo of mick, and just the way i remember him. mick has made sure that everything that has happened lately is the way he and you would of wanted it too. he's there with you, i know that for sure mum!! i love you so much and im sending the biggest hug i can. love you...leanne xxxx

talj said...

What a lovely photo of Mick this is Ruth, just beautiful.

Now words from me just know I am thinking of you and sending all my love and {{{BIG CUDDLES}}} xxxx

Mousie said...

you must absolutely allow yourself to cry my darling, even if you're not alone, to cry and be angry as much as you wish,...you need it, it's a normal reaction...come in our arms sweetheart, we are near you...i'm glad you found the suit, Mick will be very beautiful in it...
I love you all
Mousie

CG said...

Dear Ruth, Mick looks so debonair in his suit!

I hope you can feel all the virtual hugs we are sending you xxxx

Audrey said...

What a lovely photo Ruth, Mick looks so handsome. Your post so moving and touching, its good that you feel Mick with you at these times Ruth.

Sending you all my love and [[HUGS]]xxxxxxxxAuds

Thinking of you x

mrsnesbitt said...

Ruth I remember taking mum's clothes out of the wardrobe and being overwhelmed by her perfume still lingering! i was overtaken by grief!
I expected her to be there, yet she wasn't and yet she was!

Sending you hugs.
Dxxx

AnalĂ­a said...

See? I told you, he IS around my friend and..well, don't worry if someone listens to you speaking to Mick out loud in the garden, we know you are not getting crazy for there's a new bird flying between the flowers.
Mick looks great in that picture Ruth, I like the suit :)
I send lots of love and hugs for you and the girls. Remember I'm there with you all the time.
xoxoxox
Ani

Sheila said...

Mick looks so handsome in his suit. I understand this completely Ruth...and you know... you looked after him when he needed you, and now he will do the same for you..
Sending you big hugs dear lady...
xxx

Shaz said...

Thats a fab pic {{{HUGS}}} x x

Dirty Butter said...

It really is a great picture, and one I'm sure you treasure. As for the suit, the rest have already said it .... don't hold back the tears for somebody else's sake. It's what you need right now. I'm still crying at the oddest moments, but I try not to stifle the tears.

Sylvia said...

A very good photo of Mick. {{{Hugs to you}}}.