THE AMERICAN CONNECTION

In my hurry to upload my photos from yesterday, although I mentioned that there were American connections to Bury St Edmunds, I forgot to mention the web page that may be of interest to some of you. Just click on the flag below.

If you're from Jamestown, Virginia and are celebrating the 400th anniversary founding you may be interested in this site...click HERE

Even Sudbury has links with America....Nicole had been learning about it school;

In 1630 John Winthrop from the Suffolk village of Groton near Sudbury emigrated to take charge of the Massachusetts Company. He founded the city of Boston and became the first Governor of the State of Massachusetts. He has been described as the "Father of New England" and is buried in the Kings Chapel, Boston. His son John became first Governor of Connecticut and a major city in this state is named after the ancestral home, Groton. It was another Sudbury man, Thomas Davies, who set the lantern in the tower of Old North Church, Boston, giving the signal to Paul Revere to make his famous ride.

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Thanks to all those who have wished me well for my CAB appointment. It WAS definitely for today.....I know because they have just phoned and cancelled it! The advisor I was due to see has called in sick so they have rescheduled my appointment for next Thursday 7th. Maybe by then I will have some idea whether or not I will be getting the Bereavement Allowance....still no news......my Carer's Allowance ends on the 4th June but I still have to pay my share of Council Tax and Rent. On the bright side at least I have all the paperwork ready for the CAB now so I won't have that job hanging over my head.

I COME TO PRAISE BURY, SAYS HER!

What a FANTASTIC day! We left home at 8.30am and didn't get home until 6.30pm. The weather compared to the last few days was kind to us.......all of the morning was dry...there was a little rain while we were in Pizza Hut and the rest of the afternoon was drizzling but not enough to dampen our spirits. I went a bit camera crazy...somehow I took over 100 photos!!! Don't panic I'm not posting them all here......... but if you have time to spare please drop by my Picasa web album and take a look. Just click on the album below.

Bury St Edmunds Day Trip

Apologies if I've not visited your blogs but I've had some paperwork to sort out since I've been home. Do you remember the Citizens Advice Bureau appointment I had for Friday 31st May.......well Friday isn't the 31st...tomorrow is!!! Being home too late to phone them to confirm whether it's Friday or the 31st that's correct, I've had to assume that the appointment is tomorrow and quickly get all the paperwork prepared that I thought I had all day tomorrow to do.

I'm now very tired, my feet ache....but I've had a fabulous day........................and if you're wondering about the little fellow at the beginning of this post........well I have always loved Buddahs and Manda & co bought me this one today as a good luck, keepsake, memory of today.

DAY TRIPPER

Going out on a family outing today to Bury St Edmunds with Manda & co. Fingers crossed for fine weather!

ONE WORD TAG

I've been tagged by Talj to answer these questions in one word



1. Where is your cell phone? Pocket
2. Relationship? Lonely
3. Your hair? Grey
4. Work? Pending
5. Your sister? Miriam
6. Your favorite thing? Garden
7. Your dream last night? Wistful
8. Your favorite drink? Brandy
9. Your dream car? Andi's
10. The room you’re in? Lounge
11. Your shoes? Flip-flops
12. Your fears? Tomorrow
13. What do you want to be in 10 years? Debtfree
14. Who did you hang out with this weekend? Lynn
15. What you’re not good at? Socialising
16. Muffin? Blueberry
17. One of your wish list items? Nursery
18. Where you grew up? Europe
19. The last thing you did? Contemplated
20. What are you wearing? Woollens
21. What aren’t you wearing? Perfume
22. Your pet? Imaginary
23. Your computer? Lifeline
24. Your life? Changing
25. Your mood? Improving
26. Missing? MICK
27. What are you thinking about right now? MICK
28. Your car? None
29. Your kitchen? Homely
30. Your summer? Hopeful
31. Your favorite color? Blue
32. When is the last time you laughed? Today
33. Last time you cried? Today
34. School? Great
35. Love? Forever

It's diffiult to know who to tag....many of the usual victims willing volunteers have already been tagged.....but if someone else hasn't already caught you...I tag
Claire...it will give her an excuse to break from her studies
Shaz ...because she's got a special blog for this kind of thing...update just realise you've already been tagged ...anyone out there fancy a go??????
Sylvia ....because every one of her "I'm getting old" posts I agree with

HAPPY BLOG BIRTHDAY

"Time it was and what a time it was...A time of innocence; a time for confidences. Long ago it must be; I have a photograph. Preserve your memories; they're all that's left you........" (Photograph ~Icarus~ Words~Paul Simon~)

In the beginning of There Are A Million Stories a special blogger came into the life of Mick and Ruth; how he chanced upon my blog I do not know ...maybe fate decreed it......maybe it was a fortunate case of serendipity.....however it happened he has been a true friend and his support both in my comment box and in his regular emails has meant more to me than words alone can ever express.

I had many wonderful emails and comments from so many blogfriends around the world when Mick passed away; I have printed them all out and often I read them when I feel alone and in need of comfort. There is one though written by Icarus (Stewart) that I keep in my bedside cabinet; this is the one I turn to in the dark hours when I cannot sleep; one paragraph shines through and I hear Mick's voice in the words.........

At the end, as it approached, he (Mick) gave you all his love and gratitude in the only way he could. In his passing last night, he spoke to you without words through his sleep. He said:
"Look my Darling Ruthie! It's my time now. But be reassured.
Look! I am moving on, gently and in peace. It is thanks to you and my thanks to you. We part on this earth, but only until we are reunited, when the time comes. We part in the full knowledge that we remain bound forever in the best love and at peace with each other.
You see how peaceful I am and you must know that I am content and ready. However sad I am to leave you, there is no choice and I will have what you most want for me - my full repair.
I love you and need only your well-being, your fortitude, that you continue to be the woman that the whole world has seen - an impeccable human emerald, ruby, angel who knows no other way than to give for love."
Maybe not in those words, my sweet, broken sister, but his message shines clear to me.

Despite the misfortunes and troubles that have pervaded his own life, a heavy workload and the taking of the woes of so many of his friends on his own back he has still continued to give me comfort and support.........so

Happy 1st Blogbirthday "TIME AND A WORD"

may you continue from strength to strength

(or should that be...... from Força to Força)

IN CASE YOU DIDN'T KNOW......IT'S RAINING!

I've had trouble today picking up/sending emails and getting blogs/comment boxes to load. In the end I decided to try going in via BT Yahoo...I don't usual use it because of the (disgustingly lewd) SPAM in the spam box..OUTLOOK seems to have a way of throwing that back so that I never receive it. Any way, after desperately trying to remember my password, in I went.......my old home page loaded first and there in front of me were my "stars"..........

You might find that your brain is hanging out in the slow lane today, dear Aries. Gradually it may even be creeping over to the breakdown lane. You might find that it is harder to make your quick, witty, rebuttals to the conversations at hand. Take your time and make sure you choose your words very carefully. Communicating with others might be a bit like pulling teeth.

Now if I change the word brain to computer it's spot on I reckon!!!........... Hey I heard that...what do you mean "leave it as brain!"......lol

Putting that to one side, today has been a thoroughly wet, cold, miserable day weatherwise. I feel so sorry for all the families who have gone on holiday for the Half term week or had planned BBQ's. I heard on our local news that one Scout troop had been washed out of their camping trip and had to come home early....so disappointing. That said I decided I wouldn't let the weather get me down too much...I did a bit of "kitchen gardening"...cleared up the mess from that! Listened to music, tried a few more macros, did some reading, even watched an afternoon film (not usually a daytime TV watcher)......the film I watched was "The Parent Trap" and yes I bawled at the happy ending.

So all in all, a bit of a "mish mash" day...nothing exciting but better than sitting in a Bank Holiday Monday traffic Jam!!!!

SUN?..DAY

Lynn has just text...she is safely home now. She has been an absolute angel running me about here and there. She even helped Leanne out by taking her to Tesco's so she could do some shopping.....as the weather has been awful today Leanne was so pleased not to be hobbling home on foot, laden with shopping bags. We listened to Mel (6) who has joined her school choir singing "Any Dream Will Do" and heard how well her reading is coming along. It only seems a short while ago that she learning her alphabet......time flies past.....and #1 grandson Phil has just left school!!!! ...was it really that long ago when this photo was taken........Lynn and I both bought Leanne a tray of plants as she has developed a case of Green Fingers...she has painted her fence panels and dug out a border along one side of her garden. Sadly I forgot to take my third eye (my camera) with me to Colchester so no photos I'm afraid....though the weather today has been awful...torrential rain and any photo would have just looked like this one that I took through the window a moment ago.......After I've eaten this evening I intend to treat myself to a "pamper night"...a candlelit bath, soft music (Lynn bought me a lovely "music and nature sounds" CD), perhaps a hair colour (I'm sure I've one upstairs somewhere); then maybe a manicure and some nail polish.......to bring back the "WOMAN" in me.

EARLY RISER

A brief early riser post; Lynn arrived safe and sound yesterday. It was a day of hugs, laughing, food shopping, compost buying, laughing, food, dozing, (cheap) plant buying, laughing, more food, a little wine, full stomachs, laughing, TV watching while chatting, laughing, yawning, bed.

I did have one short episode when I left the girls for a while to go upstairs for a bit of Mick and me time....usually I go about my daily business chatting to Mick out loud...I'm know Lynn, Manda and Nicole would have understood it and not thought I was "going off my rocker" but I prefer my "chats" to be private. Today Lynn and I are going to Colchester to see Leanne.....it will be a much easier and quicker journey by car than public transport.

I don't know why some of my photos yesterday turned into "red cross boxes" not a blogproblem I've had for a while, I've reloaded the kitten ones so hopefully they can now be seen. I did try a little blogaround late last night but my pc was running very slow and couldn't get into any comment boxes...a case of "I could see, but not be heard"....hope you all enjoy the rest of your weekend..............

MAKING ALLOWANCES

HURRAH!!! I have finally got the documentation re; my carers allowance that was due. Why it took so long I will never know........the original excuse was that it was not in the system that Mick had died. Well if it was not in the system then why did they stop my money!!! As it is the allowance ends at the beginning of June. Still at least I've now been able to send proof of income for those 8 weeks to the Council Tax Offices...as that income is only £46 per week, for those 2 months I should be excluded from paying Council Tax. Still no news of the Bereavement Allowance ...I hope that comes through before my Carers Allowance runs out.
Lynn is coming tomorrow....it will be good to see her.....I shall be taking advantage of her and her car to go to the garden centre and get some compost. I have so many plants struggling in tiny pots waiting to go into baskets and troughs.

Manda popped in after school to celebrate the start of the Half Term holiday......in years gone past it was always tradition that she would come round when a holiday started and have a drink or three with Mick and I. It wasn't the same today...we both missed him so much. We did look ahead to a few "outings"...next week we are going out for the day and during the Summer Holidays we plan to have a "sightseeing" day in London

and also a day at the beach!.......maybe Walton or Brightlingsea...oh how I love the seaside!
I've also heard from Leanne that there will be a new addition to the family in a few weeks.....isn't he the cutest kitten.....he is too young to leave his mum at the moment but in 3 weeks time he will go to live with Leanne & co. I must admit when Leanne sent these photos to my phone the thought crossed my mind how nice it would be to have a cat....but it would be a bit unfair of me to have a cat and then keep shooing it off the garden!

I did do a little more spring cleaning today.... I sat in the garden and sorted out my photo folders!......LOL

I may not do a post tomorrow....Manda and Nicole are coming round tomorrow night to see Lynn and I (Chris will be at training) so there's a "girly" evening in store...maybe even a wee dram...have a good weekend all!!!

HAD A FUNNY TURN

After I published my post this morning I went into the kitchen and had a really funny turn......I got the urge to CLEAN!!!! Not just general dusting and vacuuming.....nothing as simple as that....no I went into a full scale "Flash in a bowl, boiling water, rubber gloves" kitchen tiles, walls, doors cleaning mode! I was really worried, what was happening to me.....golly does this mean I'm suddenly going to enjoy ironing......NOOOOOOO!
Now I know I said the other day that "this wasn't me"...but honestly this is going too far! I have my Miss Haversham street cred to think about!!!!

Thankfully after an hour (coincidentally... when the sun came out) and without the aid of any medicinal tablets or lotions....the feeling wore off. PHEW...........................

After this the day continued quite normally. I phoned, yet again, to request some sort of paperwork re the 8 weeks Carer's Allowance that I'm due. Once again I've been promised it will be in the post.......

WATCH THIS SPACE!

I also received my gas bill (the NEXT one should be lower) and realised that it was still in Mick's name. I thought I'd better phone them and ATTEMPT to get the name changed....from past experience I just knew it was going to be lot of hassle. Anyway, I phoned up Powergen; got straight through to a person; explained the situation; was asked my full name.....HEY PRESTO...DONE!!!! My gaster has never been so flabbered! If only everything was that easy.

After lunch the weather was still really warm but cloudy so I took myself off for a nice country walk...(a few photos on Me, My Life, My Garden)...isn't it strange how I could have happily stayed out all afternoon in the countryside yet a few hours out of the house and into the town fills me dread and panic...................

ON AN EVEN KEEL

Well yesterday continued on a positive note. The sun shone all day and it was so HOT! My kind of weather...... Manda and I had lunch in the garden and yesterday evening I dined "al fresco" with a nice plate of pasta.....(and the obligatory glass of red wine....lol) I'm glad I made the most of it as more rain is forecast for the Bank Holiday weekend. Tomorrow sees the end of the first half of the school's Spring Term so I hope the weather stays reasonable nice for the week. Manda & co and I are hoping to have a day out next week....maybe a trip to Bury St Edmunds....Nicole dropped by on her way home from school and when we were talking about it she said "Maybe we could have lunch in Pizza Hut"......it struck me that I've never been in a Pizza Hut!!!.....so that's a new experience to look forward to.......

I need to cling on to "things to look forward to" as at the moment I'm finding it a hard to do.

On Saturday Lynn is coming to stay for the weekend......when I think back it's been a few weeks since I saw her last so I'm sure we will have plenty to catch up on....what a difference she'll see in the garden and her Dad's Rhody is now almost in full bloom.

I've still had no paperwork come through re; benefits income so I will have to make one phone call today. I'm grateful that my backdated carer's allowance has come through but I can't proceed with anything else until I have some "official" proof of my income.

Good news (fingers crossed) on the PC problems.......I needed the protective mat that was under the computer for something else. As the base of the PC gets quite hot I'd put it there to protect the wooden desk. Well since I've moved it the PC's not switched itself off! I don't know if it's just coincidence but perhaps the mat was bouncing the heat back and my PC WAS overheating (as many of you suggested).





Right I'm off for a little blogaround and see what you've all been up to!

SHORT POST

Sun's out, lounger's out, shorts are on, garden's beautiful, no bad news in the mail, no phone calls to make..........FABULOUS!!!! I've even got a little friend.....keeping an eye on me!
P.S. the steak last night was fabulous too!

Caught A Bus to the CAB

I caught the bus into town this morning and went to the Citizens Advice Bureau (I spent all day yesterday trying to phone them to no avail); it didn't go well for me. I was shown into a small waiting room....too small for me to handle. There were other people waiting...more of the Million Stories. Some of them warned me that it could be a long wait...2 to 3 hours was the reckoning and even then some who had waited may not get seen. The CAB is a voluntary organisation and all the "workers" are volunteers so I have no complaints about this, I like so many others are grateful that the organisation exists; there are just too many people with too many problems who need help. I assumed they were right about the "wait" when I heard the receptionist turning newcomers away saying that there was no chance of being seen today. During the course of the first hour the room slower became smaller and smaller as I felt the walls moving in. I tried to join in the chatter but my anxiety started to rise. I felt my chest tighten, I started to cry, my head began to spin and I had to get out before I was sick. The receptionist came after me; I explained my position and apologised but I just couldn't sit there any longer. She was so sympathetic and so kind and said the chances were I wouldn't be seen today anyway. She explained that appointments were difficult to come by but has managed to squeeze me in on the 31st May and given me some forms to fill in re; probate, income, debts etc. I've never been like this before; I've had times of stress when I could so easily have panicked but have always managed to contain it and carry on regardless. This isn't like me at all. With Mick no problem ever seemed insurmountable...................................

I miss him so much.

I feel slightly more positive though knowing that on the 31st I'll be speaking to someone who knows the legalities of things. I've never been one for "running for help" but sometimes you need someone who knows "what's what".

After I'd left the CAB I took a walk through the park; somehow the communing with nature calmed me down. I've finally had the Carer's Allowance owed to me paid into the bank (still no paperwork though); that and the birthday money I have left will cover the balance of the funeral bill so that's a weight off my mind. I went to the bank to see if they could write me a cheque, as my new cheque book hasn't come through yet, but they said it will cost £10! for them to write it. My "business" head thought "But that's a sixth of my allowable income" my "carnivore" head thought "I can get 3lb of rump steak for that at the butchers".............I decided to wait a few more days and see if the cheque book turns up.

I had intended to go to the Job Centre as well but couldn't face it.....I wanted to get home....I needed to get home...................the panicky feeling was starting again.......................and I feel SAFE at home. As I put the key in the door I suddenly felt calm again....maybe there's something opiate in the scent of the Whiskey Mac by the door...........................

more likely I think it's just that home is where I feel closest to Mick.

Well my PC has done me the honour of allowing me to write this whole post without switching itself off so I think I'll hit the Publish button........also ...........you know the £10 I didn't give to the bank.......well my "carnivore" head dragged me to the butchers on my way home and so there's a lettuce to be picked, new potatoes to steam and a steak waiting to be seared................

ANTS IN MY PANTS!

A little bit of poetic licence there as it should really be "MOTHS IN MY DRAWERS".......there being no further calls I could make to Benefit Agencies until I get some paperwork through the post I decided to start going through some drawers in the house and sorting them out. They are all suffering badly from the "bunged it in there" problem and were bursting at the joints. The best laid plans eh!.....what happens.....I spot this......

well the drawers were forgotten as out came the camera and Jessie (so named as her brand name is Jessops) the tripod........(this is all your fault Talj...you've got me hooked!)...........and I managed to take some of these.......before the moth flew off...so back I went to the drawer sorting and one black sack of rubbish later I was done.

I then decided that the living room needed a good polish.......that dust layer is creeping back...so armed with dusters and Mr Sheen I cleared all the ornaments and prepared to get to work.......what happens...I see this.........

so the polishing had to stop didn't it or how would I have snapped these....... I've also tried phoning the Citizen's Advice Bureau to make an appointment; I need to seek some professional advice about the money in Mick's bank account (still no answer from the bank), Mick's credit card balances and my own financial situation....unfortunately they are permanently engaged (I guess there are a lot of people with problems) and so I think I'll have to go in person and make an appointment.

While I was sorting the drawers out I found these......

a conker and a few stones....nothing exciting you may think....oh but the memories they brought back to me....mementos of the past...no longer tucked away in drawers but displayed and cherished............................

Finally thank you for all your suggestions re: my PC problem.....I'm working my way through them but no luck so far.

P(ea)C(e)

PEACE
PERFECT
PEACE
That was a sneaky way of posting my Peace Lily photos wasn't it...LOL

It has been a peaceful day though. Mick & I always (unless we had visitors) liked to keep Sunday peaceful....no car washing or housework on Sundays.....only "fun" things and lots of "R&R". In the Summer we would either be in the garden or perhaps take a day trip to somewhere like Southwold...he'd sit on the beach and watch me messing about in the sea..(I love the sea). If it was Winter or the weather wasn't nice enough to get outside then it would be Cryptic Crosswords, Cribbage, Trivial Pursuits and lots of reading...with a Sunday Dinner thrown in of course! Well they'll be no more trips out or Crib games...doing a Crossword isn't the same without him........but I have had a peaceful day out in the garden and did SO much reading! I even took my PC out there for a little while and had a little blogaround until the battery ran out (by some miracle it stayed on for a whole hour without shutting down).

The remarkable thing was there was no sound at all save for the bees and the pond fountain. No children playing outside (I find this sad).....not even a lawn mower chugging away.

Yes a lovely peaceful day...............................

Talking of my PC....it still keeps shutting down ....it took me half an hour to get it to stay on so I could write this post and I find myself holding my breath hoping it won't go off again before I've finished. I've run virus checks, spyware checks, checked the cables etc etc........I even spoke to the manufacturers on Friday but they just say "it could be any of a hundred things".....

At least I've managed to get some of the stuff back on my sidebar...a lot of it was old stuff so I've left that off...and some of it I can't remember where I got it from in the beginning!

Well that's me done......BBC are starting their Chelsea Flower Show programmes tonight and I that's "must see" TV for me.

Hope you've all had peaceful days too...................

ERMMMMM......don't know what's happened in my sidebar? Strange goings on! Looks like a night on the HTML for me!.................................

REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL

A beautifully warm, sunny day

Great comments of support and understanding from my blogpals (if you haven't seen all the messages please go into yesterdays comment box......(isn't wildlifegardener's verse lovely)

Some wonderful emails......

The granting of a loan from the Social Fund for 2/3rds of the funeral costs (I've got to repay it but at least it's interest free)

A lovely gardening day

Some reasonable (for me) success with some macro photos

Insects staying still long enough to be photographed

A scrummy Chilli (thanks Chris) and lovely few hours at Manda & co's

A wonderful walk "up the hill"

Another £20 cheque donation in Mick's memory for the Clatterbridge cancer Campaign

Despite eating so well the past few weeks standing on the scales and not having put on weight.

N.B. Just one grumble my PC is still playing up.....took me half an hour just to get it to turn on. So if I suddenly disappear at some point, or don't get enough PC"OK" time to visit your blogs...you know why.

HOW CAN "WE" BECOME "I"?

I do it all the time, especially when commenting on someone's blog........we went to Cornwall (that's OK..past times)............we've got a Montana in our garden (passable...after all it was planted when Mick was here)........we need to get some more compost before we can plant up the troughs (this is the "oh dear" one....future tense). The problem is I'm not an I....I'm a WE...Mick and I have always been WE....since the day we became one there was never an I for either of us.

I'm finding it so hard.

I've tried reading some articles about "how to deal with the loss of your spouse"....one tip is..

Do something creative--writing, journaling, gardening, painting, woodworking, building, photography--to express the intense feelings.

no problems there....I think blogging covers the writing/journaling part.....and gardening and photography are second nature to me now. The trouble is ..the gardening...the greatest fun... has always been WE.......Mick would be the compost mixer, the builder, the veg man and so much more; I the planter, the flower seed sower, the dead header.....each of us had our separate tasks yet we were part of a team.....there's no "I" in "TEAM". It's not the same "fun" without him.

Then there's the paradox.......Mick's Rhododendron, Mick's Pergola, Mick's Tomatoes (weird but the lettuces were always mine, the tomatoes always Mick's). Now it will be me feeding the Rhody, me maintaining the pergola, me growing the tomatoes......but they will always be Mick's.

I feel so OLD too; pre 6th April when I woke in the morning (usually 5.30am...I've always been an early riser) I would spring out of bed, instantly awake.........now, though I still wake early, I crawl out of bed, bleary-eyed and tired. How did "spring" turn to "crawl"? Pre 6th April I could lift any weight, walk for miles......now those compost bags I threw over my shoulder feel so heavy, those legs that would carry me miles feel like jelly.

Everything around me is filled with memories....HAPPY memories.....what mathematical equation suddenly made HAPPY MEMORIES=SAD TEARS.......?????

And where did those "senior moments" come from........those "forgetful moments"........even over the last two years I never forgot anything...I was always on the ball..........this week I even forgot to put the dustbin out for collection!!! Dear, dear......................

On a lighter note; Chris brought round some Rhubarb today that one of his neighbours had given him...................I made Rhubarb Crumble for Manda & I for lunch.........naturally making an extra one for Manda to take home. Chris is making one of his infamous Chillis ready for tomorrow night. I'm going round to Manda's tomorrow evening and joining them for dinner. I can't remember the last time we (see I've done it again).....I went out to dinner. I hope the weather's fine; I may drag Manda & Nicole up to the woodland area after we've eaten.....I've been wanting to take some photos from up there.

Oh I've suddenly remembered (well done Ruth, there's hope for you yet!) something that will go well with this post.....Jeanette of Jen & Cazz's Chronicles posted it ages ago; I'm sure she won't mind me borrowing it.

My Rememberer Is Broke

My forgetter's getting better but my rememberer is broke.
To you that may seem funny but, to me, that is no joke
For when I'm "here" I'm wondering if I really should be "there"
And, when I try to think it through, I haven't got a prayer!
Oft times I walk into a room, say "what am I here for?"
I wrack my brain, but all in vain, a zero is my score.
At times I put something away where it is safe, but, see!
The person it is safest from is, generally, me!
When shopping I may see someone, say "Hi" and have a chat,
Then, when the person walks away I ask myself, "who's that?"
Yes, my forgetter's getting better while my rememberer is broke,
And it's driving me plumb crazy and that isn't any joke.

Right time for me to go and eat...sadly for my waistline I'm not one of those people who starves themselves when they are depressed........

BRINGING HOME THE BACON!

To those of you who commented and emailed me about my post "A few more grey hairs"; I had many words of support, many words of good advice and much sharing of your own stories about your own "rides on the the DHSS merry-go-round"; I thank you for that. To the one (I stress one) emailer who said my post was (I quote);

"Nothing more than an online begging letter"

well I doubt if you'll be visiting my blog again and reading this so I won't waste my breath on you. For the rest of you this is how things possibly stand at the moment;

I have received a letter re: Housing Benefit and Council Tax Benefit. On the assumption that I will receive £87.30 Bereavement Allowance (this has yet to be confirmed) this means that I will have an excess income (above what the Government thinks I should live on) of £28.15. Therefore any Housing Benefit I could receive has to reduced by 65% of £28.15 and any Council Tax Benefit I could receive has to be reduced by has to be reduced by 20% of £28.15. (are you with me so far?)......

This means that out of the £28.15 excess I have to pay £18.30 plus £5.63 meaning that my total income will be £87.30 less £23.93.......using fingers and toes and a calculator I reckon this means I have £63.37 per week left to live on. A fortune to many in some parts of the world I know but as my.......

Water £10.00p.w.
Telephone £12.00p.w. (this could be higher due to the countless calls to the DHSS)
Electric £10.00p.w. (this could possibly reduce now that I don't have the electric bed and hoist)
Gas £20.00p.w. (this could reduce during the Summer and I now don't need to keep the house warm for Mick)........

comes to a total of £52.00 a week before I even start paying for my mobile phone (this I think will have to go), credit card bills (I've had to use these a lot the last couple of years) and unimportant things like food and clothing I think things are going to get tough. I certainly have to find a job.......of course then I imagine I will lose all benefits and have to pay full rent and council tax. I've made a rough guesstimation that in order to pay my bills I need to bring home (after tax) £250.00 per week.......if I want to eat, clothe myself, need transport costs to get to work and buy Christmas/Birthday presents etc I'll need more. As I'd like to at least EAT I'm thinking I shall need a "take home" wage of at least £300.00 per week..

The Minimum Wage as set by the Government is currently £5.05 per hour (before tax)......as I can't see me getting a job as a Brain Surgeon or an Astronaut and knowing how poor the job market is around here I can't see me getting a job that earns more than the minimum wage; plus I have my age (55) against me.

I worked out that this means I need a job that will allow me to work over 54 hours a week (this will increase depending how much Tax I have to pay).

And pigs may fly!
This seems a good time to post The Prayer For The Stressed that WildlifeGardener left in my comment box a few days ago.........

A Prayer For The Stressed.
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I
cannot change,
The courage to change the things I cannot accept,
And the wisdom to hide the bodies of those I had to kill today
because they got on my nerves.
And also, help me to be careful of the toes I tread on today
as they may be connected to the feet I may have to kiss tomorrow.
Help me always to give 100% at work...
12% Monday,23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday,
20% Thursday, and 5% Friday.
And help me to remember...
When I'm having a bad day and it seems that people are trying to wind me up,
it takes 42 muscles to frown,
28 to smile and only 4 to extend my arm and smack
someone in the mouth!

The author wishes to state that no begging was implied in this post, though next weeks winning Lottery numbers would be nice!

HOME IS WHERE THE HEART IS

This is where I could be todaysailing on one of these...................Last year I won this cruise; it was one of those "when we have room" sorts of prizes and last month my dates came through.It's nice to know that I won and looking at the rain outside I bet I would have enjoyed the weather. But I couldn't go....for one thing there is still all the "sorting to do"...then there's the cost (I'd need some spending money and a new bikini...LOL)........even if Mick had been here fit and well I doubt that we would have gone and left this.................

not at this time of year...... just as it's all starting to happen.................and even the gloomy weather has made way for some beautiful sunsets........................

If the holiday had been transferable then I could have given it away or even sold it.......but it wasn't........... I did ask................... and besides there's no place like